Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day

Every Day is Valentine’s Day

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Another Valentine’s Day with my sweetie and today’s weather forecast is for snow!  To be honest, every day is Valentine’s day with my sweetie.  But on Valentine’s Day 12 years ago, I was afraid it could be my last with this man I cherish each and every day.  You see on February 10, 2009, just nine months after our wedding, Keith got the call that he had cancer.  For all of you out there that have ever been the recipient of those words, you know everything in your world stops cold when you hear them.  What went from a swollen lymph node on his neck, definitely not cancer said the doctor, to 10 days of antibiotics followed by a needle biopsy, it WAS CANCER.

I have always felt from the moment Keith and I met that he was my gift from God.  Why would God put us together only to take it away?  That was a huge question in my mind.  As the wife of someone with cancer, I can only tell you how it was for me. I cannot begin to fathom how difficult it was for my husband.

On a beautiful, unusually warm day here in Southern Oklahoma in February of 2009, I had driven my mother to the doctor in Texas.  Driving home on I-35 just 40 miles away from home I get a call from my husband.  “The doctor just called.  I have cancer,” he said.   I am trying to stay calm, but it’s not easy.  My throat went dry, tears sprang to my eyes and I thought I was going to throw up.  He asked where I was and I told him I could be home in 30 minutes.  We agreed to meet at the house.  My mind raced and all I could think of is why him. 

I met my husband at home and we sat together on the couch as storm clouds were growing outside.  The thunder boomed and the lighting cracked across the sky.  It felt as if my anger for this situation was manifesting outside.  The local doctor had really not given us much information about anything.  What were we supposed to do now?  Where should we go.  How bad is it?????  We sat together and held each other and just cried.  Then the power went off and we just sat together in the dark.  Brewing just west of town and traveling about ¼ of a mile north of our home was a February tornado.  Welcome to Oklahoma. 

As we sat there in the dark trying to talk through options, I was reminded of something my husband said to me many years before.  “If I ever get cancer I’m not doing chemo and throw up for months on end.” For some reason that memory was fresh in my mind and I got right in my husband’s face and said, promise me you will do whatever it takes to beat this.  PROMISE ME!  When I reminded him of that memory, his response was “I will absolutely do whatever it takes.” 

So fast forward three days to Valentine’s Day 2009.  We were in no way in the mood to dress up and go out, but we had already committed to attending a community fundraising function that included food, drink and dancing.  My only real memory of that night was when Keith took me in his arms for those slow dances and me fighting back the tears wondering if this would be the last time we would be able to dance together.  That’s when in my heart I said to God, “I know you didn’t put this man in my life to just take him away.”

A few days later we traveled to MD Anderson in Houston to begin a path for treatment.  On April 24th, just six days after our first wedding anniversary, Keith completed his final treatment, rang the bell and we headed for home.  During this 2 ½ month period of time is when I learned what a real hero my husband is and just how brave he was.  You see, I am just the wife and caregiver.  I didn’t have to go through weekly all day chemo sessions, which by the way did not make him throw up and he did not lose his hair.  But he did have to undergo radiation treatments twice a day for many weeks. 

The radiation treatments were the hardest.  They had to make a mask for his head to hold him still while the radiation was delivered to his left tonsil.  He had to insert a large wedge-type thing into his mouth to pull his tongue out of the way while the radiation was being delivered.  To make it worse, when they laid him on the table, put the mask over his face, it was BOLTED to the table.  As I sat in the waiting room each and every time with other wives, some of their husbands couldn’t do it and would leave treatment.  Week after week his neck began to look like someone took a blow torch to it and he was in immense pain and discomfort.  After a while he couldn’t swallow food so they had to put in a feeding tube directly into his stomach, which is the only way he could get nutrition for months.  When I think back to that time, I am reminded just how courageous he was and is to this day.  My hero, my forever love.  My heart goes out to all those who have battled this terrible disease and I am FOREVER grateful for the success of Keith’s treatment. 

God did not put us together to just rip us apart.  He put us together for the long haul.  We have decided that we have the in sickness and health part of our marriage vows down pat.  So I encourage everyone to not wait until that one day a year to show your loved one just how much you love them.  Do like the Kings’ do and make every day Valentine’s Day. 

Valentine’s Day – Coming Full Circle

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VolcanoRemember when you were just a kid and it was Valentine’s Day at school?  I do.  I remember getting little white sacks and then drawing something cute on the front with my name on it.  Maybe in art class we would create little heart cutouts and paste them onto the sacks.  It was important to get that little sack just right.  Then we would all hang our sacks on the tray of the chalkboard so we would be ready when it was time to hand out our cards.  Going to TG&Y with my mom was always fun too.  I would very carefully pick out the cards that had just the right sentiment.  Of course they all came in one package, but the words had to be just right.

There were always a couple of little boys in my class that I thought were cute, and I had to give them the right card didn’t I?  Then the pressure and excitement of waiting to see what cards those little boys put into my sack.  Would it say, “be mine”, “love you”, “your great” or “your friend”.  I would hold my breath every year to see what card the boy of the moment was going to put in my sack.  Some years I was happy and some years, well you know how little boys are.  Some years there were little boys who put “be mine” in my sack and I thought, “no way” buddy.  It felt so literal.  Just one little card and I thought it meant something much more than it probably did.  At least that’s how it felt to this elementary little girl.

Then we grow up and Valentine’s day is not quite what it used to be.  Some of us marry men who don’t care what day it is and certainly are not going to acknowlege that it’s Valentine’s Day.  They don’t acknowledge their love for you at any other time of the year either.  Heck, communication of any kind is a foreign concept.  Then you have children and they make you Valentine’s cards and you get them cards.  Your love for your children can cover that hole in your heart for a very long time.  It certainly worked that way for me.

Then you find yourself as a single mom with two small children.  While it is a very hard job, my love for them and their love for me kept me going.  Again, they made me cards and I had fun helping them pick out just the right cards for their school Valentine’s parties.  At work you would see co-workers who would get flowers, candy or boast of big plans for Valentine’s day with their sweeties.  I wondered, what would that be like?  I mean the only time a man had ever given me roses, I had to give birth and I think his mom made him get them for me.  Year after year I wondered.

In 2004 I met a man, we started dating and in 2008 he married me and made me Queen of my Kingdom.  He buys me flowers for no reason, he buys me flowers for anniversaries, he buys me flowers for Valentine’s Day.  Wow, what is this?  Now I’m the girl at work getting flowers.    But what I have learned over the past nine years and ten months that we have been together is that every day is Valentine’s Day for us.  We hold hands when we walk together, we profess our love verbally to each other many times a day (and mean it each time).  Our actions with one another clearly show our love, respect and admiration for one another.  We are each other’s best friend and the one we most want to spend our time with.  So while getting those flowers has been awesome, the real gift is the man behind it.  Thank you Keith for being my valentine every day.  It is my honor to be your wife.