Pity Party Done

  Ok, so today I am better. My friend Jan sent me a text message and wanted to know if I was still having my pity party late yesterday afternoon. Guess she read my blog. I had pulled out of my funk mostly by then so I went next door to Jan’s for a little girl talk. Then Keith joined us a little later and brought over a bottle of wine.   Skeptical but determined I had a small glass. No headache. Yea!!!  Got a good night’s sleep and went for a 4.5 mile walk/slow run in a light rain.  

So the moral to my story, take it easy. Try not to get down when I have set backs. Keep pushing forward. Things will get better. It’s wonderful to have friends. Be thankful. Oh and always keep those big girl panties where you can find them quickly. 

My Little Pity Party

Mountain Storm BrewingDo you ever just have one of those days when you are your own worst enemy? A “pity party” for one, if you will. Well I am having one of those this morning, and I hate it. I am six months post op from my brain tumor removal surgery and I think I should be feeling better than I am. I am ready for things to be normal again. Please tell me they will be normal again. I am tired of daily headaches, I am tired of not sleeping well at night, I am tired of coming home so tired from work that I just don’t feel like doing anything, I am sick and tired of the continuous rain and I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired. There I said it. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled that my brain tumor was not cancerous and that it was successfully removed by expertly skilled surgeons. In addition however, I think I should be able to do whatever I want, when I want. I don’t like to worry whether that glass of wine is going to cause a headache. I don’t like to keep myself from sneezing because I know it will send all kinds of pain waves through the back of my head.

So what has been the catalyst that has sent me over the edge today? Well today is my first summer Friday off from work. We work longer hours during the week and our offices take Friday off. I love this time of year when we get to do this. So I had several things I contemplated doing today to celebrate. Thought about driving to Norman to have lunch with my former boss, thought about driving to OKC to do a little shopping, thought about doing a little gardening….. None of those things are happening today, because at 11:45 last night a headache woke me up and I sat up with it until 4:30 a.m. Took my Tylenol, took my Advil, used ice pack, used heat pack, just couldn’t knock it out. At 4:30 a.m., I stumbled back to bed and thought I would try and sleep again. Exhausted I did fall asleep, but my dreams were riddled with the pain that continued in my head. Finally at 6:50 I just got up again and began the cycle of trying to get rid of the headache again. So here I am at 10:30 and the pain is finally beginning to ease off, but not completely gone and I am exhausted and cranky.

This particular headache is not associated with my surgery. This type of headache I usually get 5 or 6 times a year. I don’t know what it is, why it happens and it really just takes time to get rid of it. Have been to the doctor over the years, nothing is resolved about it. Sometimes the only thing that helps is a sinus headache pill. You know, the kind that has the drug in it you have to sign your life away at the pharmacy to get. So at 8 a.m. I popped one and I think it is helping.

So in November I have a surgery to remove my little brain tumor and of the three surgical options that could be used, my surgeon chose the one that was best for me, retro-sigmoid. Guess what the side effect of having that type of surgery is, headaches. Now in addition to my regular headache issues, I have these as well. The only difference, my surgical headaches are daily. I take Extra Strength Tylenol daily or Advil depending on what part of my head hurts. I use a heat wrap on my neck every morning, evening, night and many times at work. And are they ever going to go away, or is this my new normal?

So that is what happened to me this morning. I just got to feeling sorry for myself and the tears began to flow and flow and flow. I have held it in so long that today was just the day to let it go. Sometimes a girls just needs a good cry.  Eleven years ago today, Keith and I had our first date.  The event that forever changed my life for the better.  Now it’s time to put on my big girl panties and move on.  Today is a day to celebrate, and I just don’t have time to feel crappy.

Thanks for letting my whine.

Just Some Random Thoughts

OceanIt’s the last week of school in my district and although I work in the district office, I am so ready for this year to be over. The last month has been crazy as it is every year at this time.   I am worn slick. We all are. So today all I can offer are “random” thoughts because my brain can’t process much else. So let’s begin.

Every day when I come home from work I pass a small manufacturing facility which boasts a sign telling the world how many days they have gone without an accident. I always look at it. I can’t wait to see if they made it another day. About six weeks ago I noticed they had made it up to 30 days without an injury. However, here we are six week later and the sign still says 30 days. I know. Maybe the person that updates the sign got hurt…..

It is a sad day when insurance companies feel they know better than you who should remove your brain tumor. It’s even sadder when they want you to foot most of the bill when you decide that they shouldn’t be the one to dictate who cuts open your head. More to come on this I’m sure.

There are days in my office where the phone rings nonstop and my patience is wearing thin. But it never fails, just when I’m about to bite the head off the next person that calls, a friendly voice is on the other end of the line and I feel my stress level go way down. It’s one of our child nutrition staff members who has called with a daily scripture reading, just because she is a wonderful person and somehow she seems to know just when I need it. Wonder who else’s life she changes with this every day?

On the news today there was a report about how much Hillary Clinton made in the last 30 months or so. It was a very large number. The reporter viewed it as a negative. You go girl.

When Keith and I start packing for trips, the dogs know. They begin pouting and sadness engulfs them and me. On our most recent trip, they went with me into the garage as I put my bag and pillow in the back of the car. Their little faces were smiling, their tails were wagging and I realized that they thought they were coming with us. Broke my heart and I shed a little tear as I explained that I would be back in a couple of days.

Olive Garden is one of my favorite places to eat, so when we travel, we look for one. On our latest adventure, we stopped at one in Temple, Texas. It was packed. We got seated and right next to us is a big table of about 12 people. One of the family members appeared to be a boy of about age 8. Now I like kids, but when one is allowed to bark like a dog for about 15 minutes in a crowded restaurant, that’s a bit much for me. In my mind, I really wanted to go over to his parents and remind them that “dogs weren’t allowed in the restaurant.”

When you are driving down the road and see one of those little Kia Soul vehicles, do you look to see if a life-sized chipmunk is driving. I do. Haven’t seen one yet, but I haven’t given up. I know they can drive those little cars, I’ve seen it on TV.

I was recently sitting in the car at the San Antonio airport waiting to pick up my sister-in-law.  I was watching people arriving and being picked up by friends and family. It was fascinating watching their reactions when they saw their loved ones. Some people jumped up and down, some waved madly. Some ran up to each other and hugged. Made me smile.

Enough random thoughts for one day.