August 9

We Mom & Dadall have those days on our calendar representing life-changing events.  When that date rolls around you stop and remember whatever that significant event was for you.  Today, August 9 is a double whammy for me.  Six years ago today my mother passed away and two years ago today we buried my dad.  Just think about that for a minute.  Both of those massive, life changing events happening on August 9.

So today I have done some crying and some remembering about two people that were the most wonderful parents in the entire world.  Working in the field of education, I see first-hand every day children who are having a very different upbringing than I had.  My own children had a very different upbringing than I had and for many years that haunted me.  As a young mother, I wanted to give my children everything my parents had given me.  A home with two loving parents and parents who made their children a priority.  Well what my children got was one parent and two grandparents who loved them more than life itself.  My parents picked me up, dusted me off and stepped in to help me with a 3 and 6 year old when I moved home from a divorce.  It was such a blessing to have them in our lives and to help me be the best parent I could be.

I have so many wonderful childhood memories.  My parents were married almost 11 years before I came along and I was their only child.  Was I spoiled?  Sure I was.  There was nothing my father would not do for me when I batted my big blue eyes at him and we both knew it.    “Daddy, I saw a pair of shoes I really liked at the Den.”  “Well how much do you need,” he would say and reach in his pocket and hand me the money.  Of course he didn’t know that my mother had already told me I couldn’t have those shoes.  Next day when she saw me wearing them she asked, “Where did you get those shoes?”  My reply, “Daddy bought them for me.”  Now I have spent the last 40 years of my life thinking that I pulled one over one her with those shoes, but knowing my mother, I probably didn’t.

Dad BowlingMy dad ran the bowling center here in our town for 33 years.  Everyone in town knew him.  He worked a lot of evenings during leagues and many of those leagues were women’s leagues.  Now I always thought my dad was very attractive.  I would be at the bowling alley with him on many of those evenings and the ladies loved to flirt with him.  I can remember how angry it made me that they dared to flirt with MY DADDY.  Didn’t they know he was happily married to a wonderful woman?  I can remember asking my mother about it once.  Apparently I had a bit of a jealousy problem, and according to my mother, there was nothing I needed to worry about.  I guess she was right, they were happily married for 60 years.

My mom was the disciplinarian.  I can remember one time when I was around 6 I did somethinMom & Meg I should not have done and she was going to spank me.  Yes, I was spanked and I survived.  I remember her chasing me with a 12” ruler.  I ran into my room, jumped on my bed and got over by the wall.  I avoided the ruler.  Whew.  I can probably count the times on one hand when I actually got a spanking.  As a 12 year old I got a little lippy one time and stuck my tongue out at her when she turned her back on me.  Well as you can imagine, she turned around and caught me.  She made me stand there with my tongue out for what seemed like forever.  Oh, did you ever have to put your nose in the corner of the room and just stand there.  What a hoot.  Do you wonder how my dad got me to behave?  Well all he had to do was say, “Well the next time I go somewhere, I guess you won’t be going with me.”  Curses.  I couldn’t have that now could I?

My parents were as different as night and day and I like to think I am a good mixture of the two of them.  When I was younger, I tended to be more like my dad in my thoughts and actions.  But the minute I became a mother, I completely understood my mother.  It was like a light bulb came on and I was changed forever.

My mom was a kind and gentle woman.  She never said a bad word about anyone.  In 1994 she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease and it finally took its toll on her in 2009.  She was such a strong woman for so long.  The night before she died, my daughter and her baby came in from Arkansas, my son came over and the three of us when next door to see her.  At this point, she was not conscious and hospice had come in.  The three of us talked to her and I recall telling her what a wonderful mother she was and that if she needed to go, we understood.  Then I promised her I would take care of daddy, she didn’t need to worry.  My dad called me the next morning and she was gone.  I know my mother well enough to know she waited for the three of us to come see her and give her that permission to move on.  I miss her every day.

My dad was never really the same after that.  They had had their 60th wedding anniversary just a few months prior to that, but my mom never knew it.  The last two years of her life were very difficult.  I watched my dad decline mentally for the next four years when on August 5, my daughter, son, husband and I gathered again this time at the hospital bed of my dad and waited with him as he took his last breath.  While it was very difficult, we would have never left his side.

So back to August 9.  Sometime that day in 2013, my daughter and I realized that his funeral was on the four year anniversary of her death.  How appropriate we thought.  They were finally together again and I felt great comfort in that.  As a Christian, I know I will see them again, but for now, I will continue to remember the wonderful parents I had.