I have just returned from spending four full days of witnessing the hardest job in the world, that of a stay-at-home mom.  I have always wondered what it would have been like if I could have stayed home and taken care of my kids as they grew up, instead of sending them to day care while I worked a full-time job.  My circumstances never afforded me that opportunity, but yet I have always dreamed of it.  I’m thinking now that maybe God knew what he was doing when that was not an opportunity for me.  I am pretty sure that during that time of my life, it would have been a disaster.

My daughter and her husband have made the decision for my daughter to be a stay at home mom.  She loves it 95% of the time and that is what she wants to do.  Well let me tell you, I am exhausted just watching the activities in that house for the last four days.  First off, a stay at home mom IS NEVER OFF THE CLOCK.  From before the first child opens their eyes in the morning until the last dish is put in the dishwasher well after they have gone to bed, she is NEVER off duty.  Now some might say that a mother working outside the home has it just as hard and I would agree, but it’s a different kind of hard.  I was one of those mothers working outside the home.  I still had to come home and cook dinner, wash clothes, clean the house, bathe kids and get them to bed every night, in addition to working a full-time job.  I remember being stressed about it because I had NO help, just me, all me, all the time.  Let me be clear, BOTH circumstances are difficult and we all just do the best we can because we love our children more than life itself and they are our priorities for many years.

In looking at my experience and my daughter’s experience, the main difference I see immediately is that while I was at work for 8 hours, I got to talk to other adults.  My daughter does not, unless she calls me on the phone or gets a call from her husband.  While I was not at home, the house did not get any dirtier, no additional dishes got dirty and the same clothes that were dirty when I left the house that morning would still be dirty when I got home.  My weekends were when I “tried” to get caught up.  At my daughter’s house, you cannot keep up with the dishes.  By the time you get the breakfast dishes done, it’s time for lunch, and then before you know it, it’s time for dinner.  Toys are played with all day all over the house.  By the time you get some of the things back where they belong, they start pulling it all out again.  Sometimes she just waits until the end of the day when she can just do it one time, but that leaves her house looking like a bomb went off all day, which she doesn’t like.    My conversations at work could be, what did you do this weekend, did you see that movie Friday night, and what do you think about this or that.  Every conversation my daughter has throughout the day is trying to get children to eat, be quiet, pick up their things, play nicely, quit running, quit yelling,  let’s change your diaper, do you need to pee, where are your clothes, did you brush your teeth, let’s get dressed, let’s take a bath, let’s read a book, why are you crying …..  So I know when she calls me while I’m at work during the day, I know she is just needing to hear the sound of a friendly voice and the voice of another adult.

On a good day she tries to be showered and ready to go by the time they get up.  Now what I mean by a good day would be if she has had maybe 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep where she can physically crawl out of bed and make it to the shower.  Most days I think she would think she had died and gone to heaven if she was to get 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, let alone 7 or God forbid 8.   You know what happens to a stay at home mom when she does not get enough sleep?  One of her eyes twitches for days, her eyes are hollow and have dark circles under them, her eyes have no spark, she has less patience and many days are ended with a pretty significant headache.  I do not know how she functions in such a sleep deprivation mode.  The four days I was there, she was like a walking zombie, but she just chugs right along.  She is a trooper.  She is literally, SUPER MOM.

Bedtime is a very difficult process.  Molly goes down most nights without a hitch.  She is the second child and most of us have learned what to do and what not to do by this point.  My daughter is no exception.  Molly is gathered up with all her blankets, sleeping buddies, she waves goodbye, gives goodnight kisses and to bed she goes.   Miracle child.  Then there’s Max, the first child.  Max is almost 5 ½ and will not go to bed without a major conflict.  I notice that about an hour before bedtime it is as if he has been wound up like a toy doll and is just bouncing off the walls.  He knows bed time is coming and he doesn’t want any part of it.  He is so tired by bedtime that he is uncontrollable with many emotions that come into play.  All children go through the process of not wanting to go to bed; my son was the same when he was Max’s age and they do finally grow out of it, thanks be to God.  If I had a dollar for every time Max got out of bed while I was there, I probably could have paid for my airline ticket out there.  Now you can play his game and keep sending him back to bed, which is done with lots of tears and sometimes loud outbursts, which now become a problem because you don’t want him to wake Molly.   So if you are as tired as my daughter usually is and on the brink of physical collapse, after about the tenth time he has gotten out of bed, you just give in and go lay in his bed with him until he falls asleep, which is just what he wants.  Game, set, and match goes to Max.

So here’s to my daughter and all stay-at-home moms out there, you are all awesome!  You are doing an amazing job and you all have more courage and tenacity than I ever had.  To my daughter, you are an amazing mom, an inspiration to me and I’m very proud of you.  Hang in there, it will get better.