Tag Archives: inspiration

One Year Post-Op

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Thursday marked my one year anniversary of my acoustic neuroma brain tumor removal.  I have found myself thinking a lot about that experience this past week and what I was going through this time a year ago.  I would love to be able to say that I am good as new or that I’m back to doing everything I could do before the surgery, but I’m not.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am very blessed that the tumor was discovered and that I had it removed.  Nothing good was going to come of it, obviously.  But short of having some ringing in my years and some hearing loss in my left ear, I felt fine and had no idea anything was wrong.  It was actually a fluke that it was discovered as quickly as it was. So here I am a year later still working on recovering.  I remember telling myself last Thanksgiving that this time next year, it would be like it never happened.  Well that was wishful thinking. Maybe Thanksgiving 2016 it will be like it never happened.  A girl has got to have hope, right?

So what has this past year looked like for me?  Those first couple of months it was just trying to focus on walking.  It took a while for me to look left and right without getting a bit dizzy.  It was like I was drunk without drinking. Things were kind of woozy.    My surgery was on my left side, so I have only been able to sleep on my right side.  That is still the case 99.9% of the time.  If I lay on my left side for very long, the anger sharks start swimming.  In February I got the green light to do some light running.  I wanted to get back to running like I was before surgery, and I’m still working on it.  I think walking with minimal slow running is a better option for me at the moment.  Since my balance is questionable at times, I am very careful not to trip or stumble.  I have learned the hard way that with only one balance nerve left, it doesn’t take much to tip me over.  I have fallen twice in the last year and let me tell you, it was not good.

I cannot sneeze or cough without the back of my head becoming very angry.  Would love to know when that is going to stop.  I live in Oklahoma where there are things in the air and sometimes I need to sneeze.  I went to great lengths last allergy season NOT to sneeze.  And if I swallow wrong and need to cough, yikes.

Bending over is still an issue and as long as it is, yoga is a no go.  Downward facing dog might send me over the edge.  My head gets angry when I bend over to pick up the dog food bowls.  I have decided that I probably won’t ever ride a roller coaster again.  I think my head would literally blow off or I might just pass out.  But hey, I can still go dancing with my husband and I can still twirl as long as he is standing there to make sure I stop twirling when I’m supposed to.  Any sport which might cause me to fall, which would include water skiing or snow skiing is off limits.  Heck I didn’t do that before my surgery, so I certainly don’t want to do it now.  I was worried that this head issue would cause me problems if I traveled on a plane.  Good news, we went to London and Paris in September and I not only did fine on the Boeing 777, but also on the Eurostar high speed train.

So as I reflect, my main issue is headaches.  I am to the point that I plan my activities around them.   Where am I going to be when the next one pops up and how will I get rid of it?  I always carry Extra Strength Tylenol or Advil with me.  I am fortunate that over the counter pain meds will take care of it; but, I’m taking them every day.  So in August I bit the bullet and went to a neurologist for help.  So far I’ve tried two different types of migraine meds (and I don’t think I have migraines).  Neither did anything and one of them made my night time headaches worse.  I have also gone to physical therapy, which was nice while the therapist manipulated my neck, but with no lasting benefits.  I’ve had one occipital nerve block injection, lasted a few hours.  I have had two trigger point injections in the muscles of my neck, lasted a couple of hours.  I am getting an upper body massages every week and I do think that it is making my neck more flexible.  Next up, I’m contemplating acupuncture.

In August when I first went to the neurologist, they took my blood pressure and they commented that it was a bit high.  Like 160/110 high.  I have never had high blood pressure, it’s usually below 120/80.  Each subsequent time I went in they would take my blood pressure and again, it was high.  Hmmmm.  Well a week before I went to my latest appointment, I started taking my own blood pressure at home and keeping track. OMG, it is off the charts.  One morning it was 177/117 when I woke up!

Now I have headaches AND high blood pressure.  I don’t know if the blood pressure is causing my headaches or if my head pain is causing my high blood pressure.  And the doctor doesn’t know either.  So now we are trying to get my blood pressure under control and we’ll just see how the headaches respond.  Ever see that commercial where the woman has to go the bathroom every few minutes and she has that little cartoon bladder tugging on her?  Well I have one of those and it’s a little cartoon headache with high blood pressure that is following me everywhere. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I’m officially kicking off my second year of surgery recovery.  My goal, to rid myself of headaches and high blood pressure. To be able to sleep all night, awake refreshed and ready for my day with the energy and stamina to get with an exercise program and to stick with it.  Those are tall orders, but I am so ready.

 

Eight Weeks Post-Op

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Shoes 2Well it’s been eight weeks since my little surgery and I’m plodding along. I have been back at work for two full weeks and that has been great. All that sitting at home recovering was beginning to turn my brain into mush. Sitting too long made my neck and head hurt. Oh heck, everything makes my neck and head hurt to a degree. I think it may be the new normal for a while. The first day back in the office was weird, but after that I felt like I had never been gone. I’m sure being away from a person’s job for seven weeks makes it difficult for anyone to just jump right back in, but add the additional issue of brain surgery and it kind of takes on a whole new meaning.

One of the things that is recommended for people who have had this surgery is to walk, a lot. It helps with the balance and dizziness. I did a really good job of this initially when I got home. I was outside walking through the neighborhood the very week I got home. The weather was great and I was VERY woozy. In fact it was scary because things were not in great focus and I could not move my head very far or very quickly. But I made myself do it. Then icky weather arrived and the cold air makes my head hurt so I went outside less and less to walk. I do have a treadmill upstairs, but didn’t go up there and use it. And now that I’m back at work, I have even less time to walk. Don’t you love excuses? I know I do.

So yesterday the weather in southern Oklahoma was finally better. The temperature in the low 60’s by the afternoon. A brisk southwesterly wind initially and the sun was shining. Haven’t seen much of the sun around here for a while and it was a welcome sight. So yesterday morning I made yet another commitment to myself to get my butt up and out the door for a nice walk. Take in a little fresh air and get some vitamin D. I had not ventured out of my neighborhood to walk since the surgery, so today was the day.

I got to digging around in my closet and found my workout clothes. Yes they were right where I left them months ago. So I bundled up, got my ear buds, my cell phone, my sunglasses and something to cover my ears and out the door I went. Today’s challenge: Regional Park! With my Fitbit all charged up I went to my Fitbit App and told it to log my walk and off I went. I rounded the corner of my house and the southwest wind hit me. Whew, it’s a little chilly, but I shall persevere. I headed south out of my neighborhood, crossed behind the AHS girls’ softball field and there I was on the city’s walking trail headed for Regional Park. Continued south at Veterans Boulevard, crossed Commerce, worked my way passed Skateland and Daylight Donuts and there it was just around the bend, Regional Park. It has been months since I had been in the park and I have missed it. Now it’s time to put on some tunes, which of course have the perfect walking beat and help me put a little spring in my step.

I am officially in the park and my Fitbit App tells me I have already gone a mile. Whooohooo. So how far should I go? I could just walk up to the skate park and then go back home. I could walk up to the softball fields and then go home. I could go through the woods over by the pavilion OR I could go all the way to the top of the walking trail. Since we moved to our new house last summer, I have never gone from our house to the top of the walking trail and back and I wasn’t completely sure how far that was. But you know, today was the day to find out.

The first part of the adventure is downhill, piece of cake. Then you get to the bottom of the hill at the skate park and it’s uphill for a bit. A good bit actually. I could feel every muscle in my body engaging. I kept telling myself to breath, that always helps. So just about the time I got to the pavilion, my Fitbit tells me I have walked two miles. Well ok. My favorite part of the park is walking through the heavily wooded trail behind the pavilion. It’s beautiful and peaceful. I love listening to the wind blow through the trees, when I don’t have my earbuds in that is. Today I’m stepping to Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Flo Rida, Cee Lo Green, Psy, Usher, LMFAO, Foo Fighters and Rihanna. An eclectic group of songs I think all motivating me to keep moving.

Since balance is an issue, this particular walking trail is perfect, because it’s hilly and uneven. There are times when the path gently slopes. Makes me really work hard on the uneven surface with my uneven balance. I am fast approaching the top of the walking trail when my Fitbit tells me I have gone three miles. Wow. Do you know what that means? It means that I am three miles away from home and I still have to turn around and get home. Yep, by the time I had gotten home, I had traversed 6.07 miles eight weeks after brain surgery. That is the farthest I have ever walked at one time. By the time I went to bed, my Fitbit said I had taken 17,000 steps. Well it was 16,984 when I crawled into bed so I got up and walked to the kitchen and back so it would officially be 17,000.

So this morning, as you can imagine, my feet hurt and most every muscle from my waist down hurts. But it’s a good hurt. My pinky toenail lacerated its neighboring toe so I also have that to contend with today. Nothing a Band-Aid can’t solve. So enough whining already. I laced up my shoes again this afternoon, headed out but only for a 3 mile adventure this time. For all my Acoustic Neuroma warriors out there, hang in there. You can do it and it does get easier every day.

Peace be with you.

The Many Faces of Bravery

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Fog at DuskBravery comes in many different flavors, colors and layers. In recent weeks, I have come to reflect on and recognize some specific things that I consider acts of bravery.

When I was in Houston four weeks ago for my surgery, I was pretty focused on myself and just getting it done and getting home. The last day we were there, I got to go to the MD Anderson beauty shop and have my hair washed and dried. As Keith and I worked our way down to the beauty shop, we passed lots of people in various stages of cancer treatment. When we got to the waiting room, I was about 6th down the list so I waited and watched ladies come and go to get something done with their hair too. As we were leaving I looked into Keith’s eyes and said, “I hope I don’t ever get cancer, I don’t think I’m tough enough to go through the treatment. I have only been here five days and I’m sick of feeling bad.” Forgetting momentarily that HE went through a very difficult treatment himself, he responded with, “You do what you have to do.” That took me right back to five years ago when I was the caregiver and he was the patient. I remember how hard I thought it was for him, but I understand now that I really had no comprehension for how difficult it was. My husband will continue to be one of the bravest people I know for enduring that treatment and coming out on the other side healthy, happy and still in love with me. I am honored to be his wife each and every day.

We have all known people who are battling or have battled some major disease. Some of these people we love made it and some did not.  Let me tell you about three of my favorite ladies who did not make it but they are never very far from my mind and each very brave.

In 1996 I took the job I have now as the administrative assistant for the superintendent of schools for my local school district. It is the school district that I attended all 12 years and the school district that my children also graduated from. I am a proud Ardmore Tiger. I had never worked for a school system before. I had worked for the federal government, a newspaper, a retailer and an oil company. But if you have good skills as a secretary, you can be an asset anywhere. Across the hall from me was a woman by the name of Brenda Rickard. Tall, beautiful, bubbly, smart and my new friend. She was the person that did public relations for my school district. I really didn’t know what that meant, but that’s was she did. In 1999 we got a new superintendent and things got shook up around the office and Brenda eventually became the assistant superintendent. Her office was now right next to mine. We could now talk every day and I could learn from her. Her position as PR person was not filled so she started teaching me what she knew about school PR. Brenda thought I would be great at helping in this area and I quickly grew to love it. Of course my main job was still the superintendent’s administrative assistant so there wasn’t a lot of time to spend on PR, but it was never far from my mind. I had the privilege of working with Brenda for several years before she took a superintendent’s job in Texas. I can still remember the day she called me and told me she had breast cancer. I felt an absolute terror run through me and cried all the way home in the car. She fought very bravely for years, but lost her battle a few short years ago. Today I fight even harder to get good information about my school district out to the public. I am passionate about it and it is completely because of a wonderful woman. Thank you Brenda. You are still mentoring me today.

In 1981 I met a woman that would become my mother in law, Diane Swim. We became fast friends and I loved her dearly.   She was only 14 years older than me so even though she was technically my mother in law, she really felt like an older sister. We would talk about all kinds of things and there were some things that she shared with me that her own son did not even know. I felt honored that she loved me enough to trust me with that information.

She was very talented and creative. When I met her she was into ceramics and she created some of the most beautiful ceramic pieces I had ever seen, some I still have today. Whatever the holiday was, she had something decorative for it. We also loved to go antique shopping together. She could take old pieces of anything and make it awesome. I credit her for my ability to decorate my own house, because she taught me how. In my twenties I would sit in her kitchen and watch her cook big family meals. She had it down to a science and was cleaning the kitchen as she went. By the time you were ready to eat, the kitchen did not look like a bomb had gone off. Years later I have noticed that I do the same thing. Christmas was her favorite holiday and every room in her house was decorated. I remember the year she had a big tree in the living room and another tree in her dining room. How fun I thought. She would have us all over to make Christmas cookies. I had never done that before and it quickly became a tradition in the family, which her daughter continues to this day. I cannot get through any Christmas without thinking about her. Ten years after we met, I divorced her son, but I did not divorce her. We continued to remain friends and confidants for years. Diane too was diagnosed with cancer and she battled it quietly and bravely for years. We all had to say goodbye to her just four short years ago. Thank you Diane for being my friend and loving me. You taught me so many things over the years and you will always be a light in my soul.

How do I even begin to tell you about my mom, Margarett Haralson? There’s not enough space on the Internet or paper on the earth to tell you everything. My mom taught me many things very quietly. As a child, I idolized my dad. He could absolutely do no wrong. I was probably quite a bit like him. After I became a wife and mother, I began to notice a shift. I was becoming more like my mother and that was not a bad thing. She was patient and kind. I cannot recall her ever speaking ill will towards anyone, a trait I’m still working on. Unconditional love, that was my mom and now that I’m a mom, I understand. You may not always like what your children are doing, but you always love them. I know there were times in my life when she did not like what I was doing and thought I had lost my mind, which I probably had. She never made any judgments, but was always there in support whenever I needed it.

In 1994 she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. My mom was real good at hiding just how bad she felt. She was on various medications for her Parkinson’s but the medication never lasted long enough. She continued working until around 2002 when she just finally had to give it up. We began to discover that we had to plan events around her medication when she would have her “on” periods and the “on” periods got shorter and shorter. She was on all the medication she could be on and nothing really seemed to work for very long. But again, she was great at hiding it.

In 2007 her neurologist suggested she see a surgeon in Dallas about having surgery to implant a stimulator to help control her Parkinson’s. So here’s my 77 year old mother contemplating brain stimulator surgery!   My dad kept talking to her about having the surgery as if it would cure her. I kept having to remind him that the surgery would not cure anything, but the hope was that it would make her quality of life better. I’m not sure my dad ever understood that. Mom decided to have the surgery so on February 14, 2007 we went to Dallas and she had surgery. I would love to tell you that it made a huge difference for the better, but alas it really didn’t. In fact, it created new problems and the last two and a half years of her life were very difficult for her and my dad. It just broke my heart. In August of 2009 she took her last breath and heaven got one more angel.

So here I was four short weeks ago getting ready to have brain surgery when my thoughts drifted back to my mom. She had brain surgery at 77 years old. How brave was that? If she could do it surely I could do it. As we were walking to the surgery center that morning, that was my mantra. Holding my hand for that long walk was my survivor husband and whispering to me softly was my mom saying, “You can do this.” Thank you mom for not only being my perfect mom here on earth, but also encouraging me from beyond all understanding. It is always my hope that you would be proud of me today and that my actions help to keep your memory alive.

Bravery indeed and three very special women who continue to shape my life. Three lights may have gone out on earth, but heaven is an even more special place.   When we see each other again, we will have lots to talk about.

Peace be with you.

 

 

 

 

 

Just a Fan in the Crowd

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Keith

Last Friday afternoon, Keith and I headed for Tulsa. My cancer survivor hero husband had signed up to run in the 15K Tulsa Run. For those of you who don’t know how far 15K is, well it is 14.5K more than I can run. Apparently it is around 9.4 miles. OMG.  This year Keith had a milestone birthday and has decided to run in a major race with some major mileage. A half marathon seems like major mileage to me and that is what he has been training for. He has friends and coworkers who are quite accomplished avid runners and they told him about this 15K run in Tulsa. Seemed like a great opportunity, so off we went.

Keith’s training consists of being out the door at 5:30 a.m. 3 or 4 mornings a week, in the dark, with a flashlight, headed into Regional Park to City Lake and back. Did you get the part about it being dark? He sees lots of wildlife during that time of day: bunnies, deer, armadillos, possums and SKUNKS. Yes, he has almost “run over” a skunk on many occasions. Some mornings it is literally, ok skunk, who’s going to get out of the way, you or me. So far, the skunk has scurried away, thanks be to God.

We get to Tulsa about 6:30 and Keith wants to “check out” the route, so we drive it. It’s like a roller coaster, EEK. The area of the run is very scenic though, not sure he will notice as he is grinding up the hills and traversing down. At 8 p.m., we met our fellow Ardmoreite runners at an Italian restaurant just a few blocks from the hotel. It was delicious, but eating a heavy meal at 9:15 is not ideal. At 9:15 I’m thinking about my stretchy pants and reclining.  We had a table of about 12 people.  Three or four conversations were going at any given time. Now all those people sitting to the left of me, I didn’t catch much of their conversation as that is my tumor ear. Conversations to my right I could keep up with. Conversations across from me, again, not great. Then there is the general loud restaurant noise, which adds frustration for my hearing issues at a whole other level. I have some adjusting to do. Finally back in our room at 10:30, stuffed from dinner and ready to recline. Big day starts at 9 a.m., at the start line.

Keith bounds out of bed the next morning boasting that he slept GREAT. He’s up, got his stuff together, dressed in his running gear, drinking his Herbalife Prepare…all is good. We head downstairs and catch up with some of our fellow peeps and about 8:30 we start the two block journey from our hotel to the “starting line.” I can feel Keith’s prerace excitement. He is ready to get this thing started. As he makes his way to the official starting line, I am heading several blocks down the route to watch him come by and snap his pic. We had been told that around 9,000 people had signed up to participate in the event with 5,000 of them running with my husband. I position myself in what I think is the perfect spot to see him when he runs by. As I’m sitting there waiting, I notice a drone above my head. I have never seen one in real life and it was pretty cool. Just then the gun goes off and the race is on!

Then it occurs to me, how am I going to find Keith in the midst of 5,000 people? I mean the people look like a lava flow. No one can pass anyone at this point. It is basically like cattle. Sorry, but that’s what it reminded me of. I so wanted to get his picture on his first 15K. I focused my search for Keith’s lime green Nike cap. Hundreds and hundreds of people keep coming up over the hill at the starting line and I have no idea where or how far back he is. I just have to focus, green hat, green hat, green hat. AND I FOUND HIM. Started snapping pics and hoped one of them would turn out.Green Hat

After he went by I knew I had about an hour and a half to piddle around. The finish line was right in front of our hotel, so I began working my way back that direction. There is a very large and beautiful Presbyterian Church that had its bells playing music and in fact one of them was a hymn we sing in our church. Then on the other side of that church was Trinity Episcopal with its beautiful red doors. As an Episcopalian, I always have to check out Episcopal churches when we travel. This one did not disappoint.

I found myself a spot to wait it out about 20 yards from the finish line. I had decided that I could snap Keith’s pic as he is running to the line and as he goes through it. I picked out what I thought was an awesome spot, but the longer I sat there, the more people showed up and my window of vision got pretty small.

At about the 45 minute mark, I can see in the distance flashing lights and the first runner working their way to the finish line. Yes, 45 minutes. OMG. What is that a 6 minute mile for 9.4 miles? That is flat out running. We cheered as he neared us and he finished at 46 minutes and a few seconds I think. No one anywhere to be seen for another 2 or 3 minutes. He whipped them all. A few more came in periodically but it was still VERY early.

About that time something got my attention. There was a young man with a cane and he had gotten inside the running barricade, was running down the middle of the road with his cane above his head and shouting something. The crowd on that end of the block was cheering him. He got about half way up to the finish line when the policeman that was monitoring my side of the street stepped out and stopped him. The young man appeared to be either high on something or mentally ill. He was belligerent with the cop saying that “this was his race.” The officer escorted him off the course. About five minutes later the young man appears again. This time he was across the street directly in front of me and the officer. He was yelling something at the officer and was doing something with the cane that indicated he was ready to use it as a weapon on the officer. So over the officer goes and this time the young man finds himself in handcuffs, backup is called in, he is placed in a police car and removed from the situation. WHEW. This young man was a ticking time bomb. In the infamous words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

People continued to come through. Some with costumes on, some with very little clothes on and one man with NO SHOES ON. Absolutely barefooted. At about the one hour 20 minute mark, runners are beginning to come in more heavily. In fact there are so many coming in that I am again worried that I will not see Keith and be able to get his picture. There are people in my way that are taller than me and the police officer is in my way. It’s now the one hour and 30 minute mark and I know he’s going to be coming by any second! What to do, what to do….. I again started looking for “green hat”. Then there he was. I yanked my camera up, pushed some people out of my way and snap, snap, snap. HE DID IT – one hour and 36 minutes.

I hurried down to the finish line and was frantically trying to find him in the midst of all those people. Next thing I knew, he had found me. Nothing like a sweaty kiss from my wonderful husband. I am so proud of his accomplishment. Now’s he’s back to training for the A2A half marathon in March. GO KEITH!