Tag Archives: husbands

Every Day is Valentine’s Day

Posted on by
2

Another Valentine’s Day with my sweetie and today’s weather forecast is for snow!  To be honest, every day is Valentine’s day with my sweetie.  But on Valentine’s Day 12 years ago, I was afraid it could be my last with this man I cherish each and every day.  You see on February 10, 2009, just nine months after our wedding, Keith got the call that he had cancer.  For all of you out there that have ever been the recipient of those words, you know everything in your world stops cold when you hear them.  What went from a swollen lymph node on his neck, definitely not cancer said the doctor, to 10 days of antibiotics followed by a needle biopsy, it WAS CANCER.

I have always felt from the moment Keith and I met that he was my gift from God.  Why would God put us together only to take it away?  That was a huge question in my mind.  As the wife of someone with cancer, I can only tell you how it was for me. I cannot begin to fathom how difficult it was for my husband.

On a beautiful, unusually warm day here in Southern Oklahoma in February of 2009, I had driven my mother to the doctor in Texas.  Driving home on I-35 just 40 miles away from home I get a call from my husband.  “The doctor just called.  I have cancer,” he said.   I am trying to stay calm, but it’s not easy.  My throat went dry, tears sprang to my eyes and I thought I was going to throw up.  He asked where I was and I told him I could be home in 30 minutes.  We agreed to meet at the house.  My mind raced and all I could think of is why him. 

I met my husband at home and we sat together on the couch as storm clouds were growing outside.  The thunder boomed and the lighting cracked across the sky.  It felt as if my anger for this situation was manifesting outside.  The local doctor had really not given us much information about anything.  What were we supposed to do now?  Where should we go.  How bad is it?????  We sat together and held each other and just cried.  Then the power went off and we just sat together in the dark.  Brewing just west of town and traveling about ¼ of a mile north of our home was a February tornado.  Welcome to Oklahoma. 

As we sat there in the dark trying to talk through options, I was reminded of something my husband said to me many years before.  “If I ever get cancer I’m not doing chemo and throw up for months on end.” For some reason that memory was fresh in my mind and I got right in my husband’s face and said, promise me you will do whatever it takes to beat this.  PROMISE ME!  When I reminded him of that memory, his response was “I will absolutely do whatever it takes.” 

So fast forward three days to Valentine’s Day 2009.  We were in no way in the mood to dress up and go out, but we had already committed to attending a community fundraising function that included food, drink and dancing.  My only real memory of that night was when Keith took me in his arms for those slow dances and me fighting back the tears wondering if this would be the last time we would be able to dance together.  That’s when in my heart I said to God, “I know you didn’t put this man in my life to just take him away.”

A few days later we traveled to MD Anderson in Houston to begin a path for treatment.  On April 24th, just six days after our first wedding anniversary, Keith completed his final treatment, rang the bell and we headed for home.  During this 2 ½ month period of time is when I learned what a real hero my husband is and just how brave he was.  You see, I am just the wife and caregiver.  I didn’t have to go through weekly all day chemo sessions, which by the way did not make him throw up and he did not lose his hair.  But he did have to undergo radiation treatments twice a day for many weeks. 

The radiation treatments were the hardest.  They had to make a mask for his head to hold him still while the radiation was delivered to his left tonsil.  He had to insert a large wedge-type thing into his mouth to pull his tongue out of the way while the radiation was being delivered.  To make it worse, when they laid him on the table, put the mask over his face, it was BOLTED to the table.  As I sat in the waiting room each and every time with other wives, some of their husbands couldn’t do it and would leave treatment.  Week after week his neck began to look like someone took a blow torch to it and he was in immense pain and discomfort.  After a while he couldn’t swallow food so they had to put in a feeding tube directly into his stomach, which is the only way he could get nutrition for months.  When I think back to that time, I am reminded just how courageous he was and is to this day.  My hero, my forever love.  My heart goes out to all those who have battled this terrible disease and I am FOREVER grateful for the success of Keith’s treatment. 

God did not put us together to just rip us apart.  He put us together for the long haul.  We have decided that we have the in sickness and health part of our marriage vows down pat.  So I encourage everyone to not wait until that one day a year to show your loved one just how much you love them.  Do like the Kings’ do and make every day Valentine’s Day. 

One Year Post-Op

Posted on by
3

DSC_0875

Thursday marked my one year anniversary of my acoustic neuroma brain tumor removal.  I have found myself thinking a lot about that experience this past week and what I was going through this time a year ago.  I would love to be able to say that I am good as new or that I’m back to doing everything I could do before the surgery, but I’m not.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am very blessed that the tumor was discovered and that I had it removed.  Nothing good was going to come of it, obviously.  But short of having some ringing in my years and some hearing loss in my left ear, I felt fine and had no idea anything was wrong.  It was actually a fluke that it was discovered as quickly as it was. So here I am a year later still working on recovering.  I remember telling myself last Thanksgiving that this time next year, it would be like it never happened.  Well that was wishful thinking. Maybe Thanksgiving 2016 it will be like it never happened.  A girl has got to have hope, right?

So what has this past year looked like for me?  Those first couple of months it was just trying to focus on walking.  It took a while for me to look left and right without getting a bit dizzy.  It was like I was drunk without drinking. Things were kind of woozy.    My surgery was on my left side, so I have only been able to sleep on my right side.  That is still the case 99.9% of the time.  If I lay on my left side for very long, the anger sharks start swimming.  In February I got the green light to do some light running.  I wanted to get back to running like I was before surgery, and I’m still working on it.  I think walking with minimal slow running is a better option for me at the moment.  Since my balance is questionable at times, I am very careful not to trip or stumble.  I have learned the hard way that with only one balance nerve left, it doesn’t take much to tip me over.  I have fallen twice in the last year and let me tell you, it was not good.

I cannot sneeze or cough without the back of my head becoming very angry.  Would love to know when that is going to stop.  I live in Oklahoma where there are things in the air and sometimes I need to sneeze.  I went to great lengths last allergy season NOT to sneeze.  And if I swallow wrong and need to cough, yikes.

Bending over is still an issue and as long as it is, yoga is a no go.  Downward facing dog might send me over the edge.  My head gets angry when I bend over to pick up the dog food bowls.  I have decided that I probably won’t ever ride a roller coaster again.  I think my head would literally blow off or I might just pass out.  But hey, I can still go dancing with my husband and I can still twirl as long as he is standing there to make sure I stop twirling when I’m supposed to.  Any sport which might cause me to fall, which would include water skiing or snow skiing is off limits.  Heck I didn’t do that before my surgery, so I certainly don’t want to do it now.  I was worried that this head issue would cause me problems if I traveled on a plane.  Good news, we went to London and Paris in September and I not only did fine on the Boeing 777, but also on the Eurostar high speed train.

So as I reflect, my main issue is headaches.  I am to the point that I plan my activities around them.   Where am I going to be when the next one pops up and how will I get rid of it?  I always carry Extra Strength Tylenol or Advil with me.  I am fortunate that over the counter pain meds will take care of it; but, I’m taking them every day.  So in August I bit the bullet and went to a neurologist for help.  So far I’ve tried two different types of migraine meds (and I don’t think I have migraines).  Neither did anything and one of them made my night time headaches worse.  I have also gone to physical therapy, which was nice while the therapist manipulated my neck, but with no lasting benefits.  I’ve had one occipital nerve block injection, lasted a few hours.  I have had two trigger point injections in the muscles of my neck, lasted a couple of hours.  I am getting an upper body massages every week and I do think that it is making my neck more flexible.  Next up, I’m contemplating acupuncture.

In August when I first went to the neurologist, they took my blood pressure and they commented that it was a bit high.  Like 160/110 high.  I have never had high blood pressure, it’s usually below 120/80.  Each subsequent time I went in they would take my blood pressure and again, it was high.  Hmmmm.  Well a week before I went to my latest appointment, I started taking my own blood pressure at home and keeping track. OMG, it is off the charts.  One morning it was 177/117 when I woke up!

Now I have headaches AND high blood pressure.  I don’t know if the blood pressure is causing my headaches or if my head pain is causing my high blood pressure.  And the doctor doesn’t know either.  So now we are trying to get my blood pressure under control and we’ll just see how the headaches respond.  Ever see that commercial where the woman has to go the bathroom every few minutes and she has that little cartoon bladder tugging on her?  Well I have one of those and it’s a little cartoon headache with high blood pressure that is following me everywhere. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I’m officially kicking off my second year of surgery recovery.  My goal, to rid myself of headaches and high blood pressure. To be able to sleep all night, awake refreshed and ready for my day with the energy and stamina to get with an exercise program and to stick with it.  Those are tall orders, but I am so ready.

 

One Proud Wife!

Posted on by
Reply

Finish Line 2What a day! Today my husband Keith got to cross something off his bucket list. He ran a half marathon. But let me tell a little about why this is so special. Six years ago on March 29th, my husband was undergoing cancer treatment for stage 4 cancer in his left tonsil. Running in anything was the farthest thing from our minds. We were in survival mode. He had three weeks of two a day radiation treatments and weekly chemo therapy sessions left and let me tell you, it was brutal. Every day as I drove him to radiation, I was so proud of his courage to undergo the treatment necessary for him to keep being my husband but it also broke my heart because it was really taking a toll on him. It has been six years and thanks be to God and his amazing doctors, he is still cancer free. We are well aware of how every day is a gift.

So shortly before his 60th birthday last summer, he decides he wants to run a marathon. OMG I thought. He has been running 5K’s for the last several years and has recently bumped his running up to 8 or 9 miles 3 or 4 times a week. Even when we were in Houston getting rid of my brain tumor, he was able to take time out and run for a few hours. Later he told me that running helped him get through my surgery and hospital recovery time. But as we got closer to the event, he began to realize that he just wasn’t ready for 26 miles. Hey, there is no shame in 13.1 miles. Right now I’m working at just running one mile without stopping.

So this morning at 5:30 he is up, ready to go and headed to the bus to take him to the starting line. I got up just in time to kiss him bye and wish him luck. Got a quick text from him on his way to the starting line to tell me that the wind was up a bit out of the south, which might slow him down. I had to remind him that he was participating not racing. He can be a bit of an overachiever and is quite competitive. Oh and hard headed too. But that’s ok, I think I may have some of those same attributes. Probably one of the reasons we are such a great pair.

Shortly before seven my son Craig shows up. He’s excited about Keith’s event and wanted to be a part of the morning as well. We watched Keith’s progress on my Find Friends app. When he was about 3 miles out, Craig and I headed for the stadium, which is right by our house. Very convenient. We waited patiently and then we saw him coming down the road in his lime green hat. Then he is coming through the cones and into the stadium. We have our cameras out and we are cheering him. After he whipped passed up, Craig and I shot back into the stadium to see him make the final lap on Noble Stadium’s track and ultimately cross that finish line.My guys 2

As he rounded the first corner on the track, he rang the bell. The A2A Marathon is a fundraiser for our cancer center. The bell is on the track for everyone to ring signifying that they have survived cancer or are running for someone who did. When I saw him ring that bell I was immediately transported back to Houston. On April 24, 2009, he had just received his last cancer treatment, rang the bell at MD Anderson and we were headed home. I remember praying with all my heart that the treatment he received had rid him of cancer. When my thoughts finally returned to his final lap on the track, I noticed that tears were coming out of the corner of my eyes. This very brave man that I love more than anything was running a half marathon. He is a cancer survivor. He is living life to the fullest and best of all, I am getting to share it with him.

At the One Month Mark

Posted on by
Reply

TLF 2014

On month from today, I will have the unwelcome visitor inside my head eradicated!  Even though I am nervous, I am also just ready for it to be gone so I can get on with my life.  AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.   I have found an Acoustic Neuroma Facebook page and I have been reading posts from people who have had surgery and those who are going to have surgery.  While it is wonderful to know I am not alone in the world with this little brain tumor, some of their stories are scary.  What I have to keep in mind is that everyone is different, everyone handles surgery differently and their experience won’t be my experience.  I told Keith that I was not going to have any major pain following the surgery, that I was going to be up walking down the hospital halls the next day with him by my side and we would go home four days later and have a wonderful, yet quiet Thanksgiving.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Since deciding to have the surgery, my mind thinks of little else.  Oh sure, I am able to do my job and lead a normal life, but “the event” is never far from my mind.  I find that I’m even more emotional than usual.  Case in point:  Last week I wanted to drive by my childhood home.  I took the familiar route and when my car turned onto the street, tears welled up in my eyes.  What is with that!  Last weekend we attended a funeral for my son-in-law’s grandmother at the Episcopal Cathedral in Oklahoma City.  The service was so moving to me that I caught myself tearing up during some of the hymns.  When I go on my long walk/runs, my mind is all over the place and inevitably I think of my parents and tears fall or I think about my children and how much I love them and tears fall or I remember just how lucky I am to have the husband I have and tears falls.  I hope this extra emotion is a direct result of this brain tumor because I need to toughen up.

In addition, I am going to be off work 7 weeks.  EEK!  Will I even have an office to return to????  Just kidding, kind of.  I am trying to think of all the things that need to be taken care of in my absence.  That in itself is a bit overwhelming.  I don’t want to cause any undue burden on anyone, because we are all busy at work.  I tried to schedule this thing when it would be the quietest in the office and I hope I have succeeded.

Keith and I went dancing last weekend.  It was our annual Two Left Feet Club Halloween dance and we got all dressed up.  He was Captain America and I was Batgirl.  It was so much fun and our favorite singer, Neil Davies, was the entertainment.  Neil gave us the opportunity to waltz, cha cha, tango, bolero, do a line dance and a little Texas swing before calling it a night. At the beginning of the evening we learned that our hospital foundation is planning a big New Year’s Eve dance at our convention center and everyone from our dance club is invited.  In fact, he said we are all being “featured”.  Not really sure what that means, but it does mean that I have to get all better so I can go dance.  That gives me 6 weeks basically after surgery to be ready AND I WILL BE!  We will get all dressed up, Keith in a tux and me in a formal gown.    We will dance until the cows come home and at midnight with a glass of champagne in my hand, I will kiss the love of my life as we begin another year together.

Now I am all big talk about this recovery thing, now I just have to get myself pumped up for “the event”.  Keith and I will go down two days before on November 18 and then I have all this pre-op stuff on the 19th.  Nurse Susan says I am going to be one busy gal that day.  Hopefully I will be so busy, I won’t have time to dwell on “the event”.  In talking to my doctor, he says the surgery should take 4-6 hours, ok I can deal with that.  Nurse Susan says it will be 10 hours, not liking the sound of that.  One of the ladies I have found on the Acoustic Neuroma site who has the same doctors as me in Houston said her surgery took 12 hours.  I really don’t like the sound of that.    Again, my experience will be different, my experience will be different, my experience will be different.  If I say it three times will that make it so, or did I need to click my heels together when I said it.  Wait and I can still do that.  Obviously, I’m hoping for the 4-6 hour surgery.  While I will be asleep and won’t care, my husband, daughter and son may have a hard time if I am in surgery for 12 hours.

Speaking of my husband, daughter and son ….. I am so blessed that all three of them will be with me.  They are the three loves of my life and their faces are the ones I want to see when I open my eyes.  Each one of them brings me such joy, happiness and love.  With them by my side, I can overcome anything.  I am also blessed to have many in my community praying for me.  People have been coming up to me and telling me that they are praying for me or that I am on their church’s official prayer list.  As I have said before, this Episcopal gal accepts prayers from all religious denominations.  I am receiving prayers from out of state as well.  This “Oklahoma gal” accepts prayers from all states and countries.

In looking through my instructions of what I should and should not have at the hospital, they suggest I wear NO jewelry.  Are they kidding?  So I have four items of jewelry that I always wear:  my wedding ring, my mother’s wedding ring, my father’s wedding ring and my Daughters of the King cross.  So in order for me to be OK with this hospital rule, my husband will hold my wedding ring until he can slip it back on my finger and I want my daughter to wear my cross and parent’s wedding rings for me.  When I feel like eating, I want my son to make me an Herbalife shake and keep my tea and aloe jug full.

So today I begin the journey of mentally preparing for “the event.”  I am also continuing my physical activity routine so my stamina will be good, just in case I have to be under anesthesia for 12 hours.   It feels appropriate for me to close this blog with one of my favorite things from the Book of Common Prayer:  Open my lips, O Lord, and my mouth shall proclaim your praise.  Create in me a clean heart, O’ God and renew a right spirit within me.  Cast me not away from your presence and take not your holy Spirit from me.  Give me the joy of your saving help again and sustain me with your bountiful spirit.  Amen.

I Can do This!

Posted on by
5

pigeon 1Sometimes things in one’s life can be a bit overwhelming. The decision whether to get rid of the unwanted guest in my head by surgery or gamma knife has been consuming most of my thoughts.

Keith and I zipped down to Houston this week to talk to doctors at MD Anderson in their Acoustic Neuroma Center. Who knew? It’s a God thing remember? It did feel very odd being on the other side this time. My place there has always been as caregiver now I am the patient. Can’t say I like that very much. We met with some very nice and well respected doctors in this field. While none of them really told me anything I didn’t already know, I felt at ease with them and began to trust that I had come to the right place.

We did have to get out of our comfort zone though. We always stay at the Rotary House, which is just across the street from MD Anderson. We did not have enough preplanning time to make a reservation so rooms were available.  We picked the next thing we knew which was the extended stay hotel a few blocks away.  This was our home for 3 weeks when Keith first started treatment. The same place where we got our car broken into. The place where we met another couple from Ardmore whose husband was being treated. A place that allows you to bring your dogs with you. By the time we got there, it was after 8. When we were checking in, they informed us that they had given our queen bed away and we were given a room with two double beds. I could see the lines of concern forming between my husband’s brows as he said, “Why do I have a confirmation number for a queen bed, if you have given it away.” We were both too tired to argue so we made it work.  It actually felt plenty big because there were no dogs between us hogging the bed.  Sometimes our big king bed at home feels very small.

Our morning started bright and early as I had to check in at 7 a.m. for an 8 a.m. doctor’s appointment. Now I will tell you what the MD in MD Anderson stands for: Most of the Day. We experienced that over and over five years ago and we were starting our morning off the same way. Checked in at 7 a.m. and was told my appointment had been moved to 10 a.m.

After a quick breakfast in the cafeteria, we decided to go outside into their beautiful garden areas. It was a warm morning, flowers were blooming and the birds were out singing. We plopped down in the area where we always go to and up comes a pigeon and little scraggly bird with no tail. I never seem to have food at these times. Keith was prepared with a granola bar in his bag. The pigeon looked very healthy so I worked on feeding the little no-tailed bird. He got his fill and went on. Not the pigeon. Is it possible to fill them up? We decided to get a little creative and see if we could get him to eat out of our hands. Nope, not going to do it. Next we put food on the end of our shoes. Success. Then word spread and all of a sudden we had 6 or 7 pigeons. The one little pigeon did his best to shoo the others away, but alas, there were just too many. I am breaking up more of the granola bar when one of the pigeons fly’s up and gets on my hand! OMG! I am hand-feeding this pigeon. It was the greatest thing ever and what a way to start my day. Then Keith thought he would give it a try. Success. It was awesome. As we walked back across the street to head for my doctor’s appointment we see a sign that says, “Do not feed the birds.” We both agreed that there was no sign where we were sitting telling us that.  No rules broken.

Finally in the docs office and I start off with his “fellow”. This is a young man that I swear to you could have been my son-in-law Charles. He had different hair, but he was tall, skinny, sounded like Charles and had Charles’ eyes. It was like Charles was there. I found that very comforting. Then the surgeon came in and visited some more and answered more questions. The doc told me that if I were younger, his recommendation would be surgery. If I were 10 years older, his recommendation would be the gamma knife. Because I am the awesome age of 54. I can do either. So much for a recommendation.

So again, a big decision to make and I have to weigh the pros and cons of each.

  • Gamma Knife:
     Pro: It is outpatient, pretty much painless and I go on about my life the next day. I like the sound of that. Con: It doesn’t get rid of my tumor, just zaps it. I would also continue to lose my hearing in that ear as the tumor is still there mashing on my hearing nerve. I would have to have an MRI annually for the rest of my life to monitor it. There is no data out there beyond 15 years on its success rate of keeping it from growing back and growing back cancerous. YIKES.
  • Surgery Let’s start with the cons here: It’s brain surgery and they have to cut open my head. I will have some discomfort for 7-10 days with the incision. I may have some dizziness or balance problems for a few days. I would have to spend 3-5 days in the hospital and miss 4-6 weeks of work. Jeez. Pro: The tumor is removed and I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I may be able to salvage the remainder of my hearing in that ear and the ringing in my ear has a 50% chance of going away. I would REALLY love that.

It’s times like these when you just have to put your big girl panties on. While I am scared to death of the surgery and the days after, I am even more scared of the thought that when I’m 70, it could grow back and it could grow back cancerous. Do I really want to deal with brain cancer at 70? Maybe medical technology will have come a long way by then and it wouldn’t be any big deal. But do I really want to risk it. These are the thoughts that have just been churning away in my mind…. What to do, what to do. Keith and I have talked and talked and talked about it. He even told me he knew what he would do if it were him, but wouldn’t tell me so as not to influence my decision, because it is after all MY DECISION. Maybe I don’t want it to be my decision. I really would like someone to just say, “THIS is what you MUST do. Alas, that isn’t going to happen.

So I have decided surgery. I indeed have put my big girl panties on and tomorrow I’m emailing Houston with my decision. My husband, daughter and son are also going to have to their big boy britches and big girl panties on. It is going to be a stressful and draining experience for us all. I am hoping to be able to do it the first week of December.  That’s the plan Stan.  I just have to keep my chin up and my nerves at bay. For all of you out there that are praying for me, thank you and keep it up. This Episcopal gal accepts prayers from all religious denominations.

Yes, I can do this. Hey, I survived natural childbirth, I can do anything right. Oh and FYI: After I told Keith my decision, he said that is what he would do to.

An Unwelcome Visitor – In My Brain!

Posted on by
Reply

MD AndersonIf there is one thing I have learned in my 50+ years of life is that life is full of ups and downs, blessings and curses, highs and lows, good and bad. It is truly a mixed bag. Some people seem to have more bad than good and some people never seem to have anything difficult happen to them. I think my life falls somewhere in the middle. There have been many times in my life that I have just floated along like a butterfly unaware of anything bad, nothing ever touching me. Then there have been times when I have been down in the muck and thought I would never get out. Those have all been learning experiences for me. They have made me who I am today and the highs and lows and blessings and challenges will continue to shape me, but they will not destroy me.  They serve to make me stronger.

Ten months after I married the man of my dreams, he is diagnosed with cancer. Together with God and MD Anderson, we kicked cancer’s but and just three short weeks ago MD Anderson officially graduated him and told us we didn’t have to come back. What an awesome feeling and an answered prayer for sure. For five years we continued to make that trek to Houston for his checkups. We jumped for joy and were giddy all the way home. Keith said to me, “We never have to come back here.” My response? “I know, unless I get sick.” Famous last words.

Last week I learned that I have an acoustic neuroma. A “what” you say? Basically it is a “benign” tumor in my brain that will have to be dealt with. It is not cancerous, it grows very slowly but it has to go. My first symptom, like millions of us out there, was Tinnitus. My left ear has been ringing for 9 months if not more. I have lost track because I spend all my time trying to ignore it. Then right as we are moving into the new house, I noticed that I am not hearing as well out of my left ear. It was like I was wearing an earplug. Things were kind of muffled. So off to the doctor I go, have an MRI and there it is, the unwelcome visitor in my brain. All 1.46 centimeters of it. Well crap. My local doctor sends me to a specialist in OKC who tells me what I have and what my options are. As he is describing the three possible surgical options of going into my brain, I could literally feel all the color drain from my face. He gave me the good, bad and ugly of a surgery. Then he gave me a little information about the “gamma knife” radiation option, which initially sounded great, but by the time he finished, wasn’t a perfect option either. At the end of his speech he asked if I had any questions. I can’t even speak at this point. Then just over my left shoulder comes a very strong voice, my hero husband who has LOTS of questions. Keith jumps right in and is asking questions right and left, some I am grasping and some I’m not. Then Keith asked the question, “what if we do nothing?” I perked up a bit for that one. Doctor said, “Eventually, she will die.” So much for doing nothing.   The doctor wanted to make sure that I understood that it was not a death sentence, it was fixable and it WAS NOT cancer. That did make me feel better. Obviously we have some research to do and some decisions to make.

In the car heading away I know I have to call my daughter who is waiting 350 miles away to hear what this doctor said. We talk about it, I tell her what the doctor said and that we didn’t have to do anything immediately. We would be exploring all options. She agreed, more research and exploring all options. Keith, trying to cheer me up and take my mind off it, takes me to test drive new cars. Great distraction!

We arrived home and I am trying to be brave. On the inside I need a good cry. On the outside, the tears aren’t coming. I admit it, I am scared. I have another conversation with my daughter who has spoken with her husband, Charles. My daughter is convinced that if I need surgery, we just need to pack up, come to Little Rock and have it done there. Not a bad idea.   We go to bed for the evening and I’m doing a little reading when my daughter calls again right at 10 p.m. Her message to me when I answer the phone, “Charles wants to talk to you.” Charles works in the medical field and with Neurosurgeons. I guess he has been kind of sharing my “issues” with them casually as I go through these tests. They have given him opinions and what not. So when Loni called him about what the doctor said about my “surgery” options, he called to make sure that I DID NOT let this ENT surgeon drill into my head.

The next morning I have my instructions from Charles: get another copy of my MRI disk and overnight it to him. He will ask his neurosurgeon to look at it and give us an unbiased opinion. We really liked that idea. So off to the hospital I go to get another copy of the disk. By the way, the little gal in medical records is not very friendly. She literally made me feel like I was imposing on her. Next off to the UPS Store to overnight it to Little Rock. By the way, the people at my UPS store, VERY friendly and VERY helpful.

So now it is Sunday morning and I am still thinking about my options. It’s hard to think about little else. My in-laws and brother in law were in from Texas and they did provide some distraction from my little tumor friend, but it was never very far from my mind. Then Keith and I wondered if MD Anderson would look at it. I’m thinking no since it’s not cancer. Then Keith replies, “Not cancer, but it is a brain tumor.” Good point. I went to their website and typed into the search: acoustic neuroma. OMG, they have an acoustic neuroma center and it’s part of the Head and Neck Center where Keith got treatment. About 30 minutes later Charles calls me. His neurosurgeon has looked at my disk. His response was if it were his wife, he would go the gamma-knife route. Then he said, “She needs to go to MD Anderson in Houston, Texas.” Feeling a bit like a God thing here. In fact, Dr. Thomas knows one of the head docs in the Acoustic Neuroma Center and he got the ball rolling to get me an appointment! Charles continued to follow up and by Wednesday, I had an official appointment for next week. Now I guess I can classify Charles as my hero son-in-law.

Yes, we are headed back to Houston, to the same place we never thought we would see again. To the place we know like the back of our hand. To the place that I entrusted the life of my husband and the place that did not disappoint. I am anxious to see what they suggest and how we will proceed.

I’ll keep you posted on the progress. Stay tuned.

Valentine’s Day – Coming Full Circle

Posted on by
Reply

VolcanoRemember when you were just a kid and it was Valentine’s Day at school?  I do.  I remember getting little white sacks and then drawing something cute on the front with my name on it.  Maybe in art class we would create little heart cutouts and paste them onto the sacks.  It was important to get that little sack just right.  Then we would all hang our sacks on the tray of the chalkboard so we would be ready when it was time to hand out our cards.  Going to TG&Y with my mom was always fun too.  I would very carefully pick out the cards that had just the right sentiment.  Of course they all came in one package, but the words had to be just right.

There were always a couple of little boys in my class that I thought were cute, and I had to give them the right card didn’t I?  Then the pressure and excitement of waiting to see what cards those little boys put into my sack.  Would it say, “be mine”, “love you”, “your great” or “your friend”.  I would hold my breath every year to see what card the boy of the moment was going to put in my sack.  Some years I was happy and some years, well you know how little boys are.  Some years there were little boys who put “be mine” in my sack and I thought, “no way” buddy.  It felt so literal.  Just one little card and I thought it meant something much more than it probably did.  At least that’s how it felt to this elementary little girl.

Then we grow up and Valentine’s day is not quite what it used to be.  Some of us marry men who don’t care what day it is and certainly are not going to acknowlege that it’s Valentine’s Day.  They don’t acknowledge their love for you at any other time of the year either.  Heck, communication of any kind is a foreign concept.  Then you have children and they make you Valentine’s cards and you get them cards.  Your love for your children can cover that hole in your heart for a very long time.  It certainly worked that way for me.

Then you find yourself as a single mom with two small children.  While it is a very hard job, my love for them and their love for me kept me going.  Again, they made me cards and I had fun helping them pick out just the right cards for their school Valentine’s parties.  At work you would see co-workers who would get flowers, candy or boast of big plans for Valentine’s day with their sweeties.  I wondered, what would that be like?  I mean the only time a man had ever given me roses, I had to give birth and I think his mom made him get them for me.  Year after year I wondered.

In 2004 I met a man, we started dating and in 2008 he married me and made me Queen of my Kingdom.  He buys me flowers for no reason, he buys me flowers for anniversaries, he buys me flowers for Valentine’s Day.  Wow, what is this?  Now I’m the girl at work getting flowers.    But what I have learned over the past nine years and ten months that we have been together is that every day is Valentine’s Day for us.  We hold hands when we walk together, we profess our love verbally to each other many times a day (and mean it each time).  Our actions with one another clearly show our love, respect and admiration for one another.  We are each other’s best friend and the one we most want to spend our time with.  So while getting those flowers has been awesome, the real gift is the man behind it.  Thank you Keith for being my valentine every day.  It is my honor to be your wife.