Tag Archives: daughters

At the One Month Mark

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TLF 2014

On month from today, I will have the unwelcome visitor inside my head eradicated!  Even though I am nervous, I am also just ready for it to be gone so I can get on with my life.  AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.   I have found an Acoustic Neuroma Facebook page and I have been reading posts from people who have had surgery and those who are going to have surgery.  While it is wonderful to know I am not alone in the world with this little brain tumor, some of their stories are scary.  What I have to keep in mind is that everyone is different, everyone handles surgery differently and their experience won’t be my experience.  I told Keith that I was not going to have any major pain following the surgery, that I was going to be up walking down the hospital halls the next day with him by my side and we would go home four days later and have a wonderful, yet quiet Thanksgiving.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Since deciding to have the surgery, my mind thinks of little else.  Oh sure, I am able to do my job and lead a normal life, but “the event” is never far from my mind.  I find that I’m even more emotional than usual.  Case in point:  Last week I wanted to drive by my childhood home.  I took the familiar route and when my car turned onto the street, tears welled up in my eyes.  What is with that!  Last weekend we attended a funeral for my son-in-law’s grandmother at the Episcopal Cathedral in Oklahoma City.  The service was so moving to me that I caught myself tearing up during some of the hymns.  When I go on my long walk/runs, my mind is all over the place and inevitably I think of my parents and tears fall or I think about my children and how much I love them and tears fall or I remember just how lucky I am to have the husband I have and tears falls.  I hope this extra emotion is a direct result of this brain tumor because I need to toughen up.

In addition, I am going to be off work 7 weeks.  EEK!  Will I even have an office to return to????  Just kidding, kind of.  I am trying to think of all the things that need to be taken care of in my absence.  That in itself is a bit overwhelming.  I don’t want to cause any undue burden on anyone, because we are all busy at work.  I tried to schedule this thing when it would be the quietest in the office and I hope I have succeeded.

Keith and I went dancing last weekend.  It was our annual Two Left Feet Club Halloween dance and we got all dressed up.  He was Captain America and I was Batgirl.  It was so much fun and our favorite singer, Neil Davies, was the entertainment.  Neil gave us the opportunity to waltz, cha cha, tango, bolero, do a line dance and a little Texas swing before calling it a night. At the beginning of the evening we learned that our hospital foundation is planning a big New Year’s Eve dance at our convention center and everyone from our dance club is invited.  In fact, he said we are all being “featured”.  Not really sure what that means, but it does mean that I have to get all better so I can go dance.  That gives me 6 weeks basically after surgery to be ready AND I WILL BE!  We will get all dressed up, Keith in a tux and me in a formal gown.    We will dance until the cows come home and at midnight with a glass of champagne in my hand, I will kiss the love of my life as we begin another year together.

Now I am all big talk about this recovery thing, now I just have to get myself pumped up for “the event”.  Keith and I will go down two days before on November 18 and then I have all this pre-op stuff on the 19th.  Nurse Susan says I am going to be one busy gal that day.  Hopefully I will be so busy, I won’t have time to dwell on “the event”.  In talking to my doctor, he says the surgery should take 4-6 hours, ok I can deal with that.  Nurse Susan says it will be 10 hours, not liking the sound of that.  One of the ladies I have found on the Acoustic Neuroma site who has the same doctors as me in Houston said her surgery took 12 hours.  I really don’t like the sound of that.    Again, my experience will be different, my experience will be different, my experience will be different.  If I say it three times will that make it so, or did I need to click my heels together when I said it.  Wait and I can still do that.  Obviously, I’m hoping for the 4-6 hour surgery.  While I will be asleep and won’t care, my husband, daughter and son may have a hard time if I am in surgery for 12 hours.

Speaking of my husband, daughter and son ….. I am so blessed that all three of them will be with me.  They are the three loves of my life and their faces are the ones I want to see when I open my eyes.  Each one of them brings me such joy, happiness and love.  With them by my side, I can overcome anything.  I am also blessed to have many in my community praying for me.  People have been coming up to me and telling me that they are praying for me or that I am on their church’s official prayer list.  As I have said before, this Episcopal gal accepts prayers from all religious denominations.  I am receiving prayers from out of state as well.  This “Oklahoma gal” accepts prayers from all states and countries.

In looking through my instructions of what I should and should not have at the hospital, they suggest I wear NO jewelry.  Are they kidding?  So I have four items of jewelry that I always wear:  my wedding ring, my mother’s wedding ring, my father’s wedding ring and my Daughters of the King cross.  So in order for me to be OK with this hospital rule, my husband will hold my wedding ring until he can slip it back on my finger and I want my daughter to wear my cross and parent’s wedding rings for me.  When I feel like eating, I want my son to make me an Herbalife shake and keep my tea and aloe jug full.

So today I begin the journey of mentally preparing for “the event.”  I am also continuing my physical activity routine so my stamina will be good, just in case I have to be under anesthesia for 12 hours.   It feels appropriate for me to close this blog with one of my favorite things from the Book of Common Prayer:  Open my lips, O Lord, and my mouth shall proclaim your praise.  Create in me a clean heart, O’ God and renew a right spirit within me.  Cast me not away from your presence and take not your holy Spirit from me.  Give me the joy of your saving help again and sustain me with your bountiful spirit.  Amen.

They Are Coming!

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Max & Molly Easter 2014This time next weekend I will be in Mimi mode.  Yes, the Milligans are coming.  My daughter, the two kids and one of the three grandpugs are coming.  They have not been here since last July and I haven’t seen them since March.  Most of the time I handle them living 6 hours away ok and sometimes I don’t.  But when I have gone this long without seeing them, I’m basically white knuckling it.  The other grandparents retired and moved to within an hour of them.  That is wonderful for them and I’m glad that provides them with some family close in case they are needed.  I can’t pack up my life and move there but it is so hard not getting to be a part of their daily lives.

For me it goes much deeper than just not seeing the grandkids, sure I miss them, but I really miss my daughter.  For the bigger part of the last 8 years, she has lived 6 hours away from me.  They thought her husband was getting a job back in OKC so she and Max moved back to Oklahoma for 10 months when Max was very young.  We were only 1 hour and 40 minutes apart.  I can still remember the day she called me to tell me they were moving back to OKC.  It was right after my mother had died and I just sat down and cried with joy when we hung up the phone.  So for 10 months, I got to see her about every 2 weeks.  But alas, her husband’s job never followed through so they went back to Arkansas.  It was the right move for their little family, but it was a horrible event for me.  Yesterday Keith and I were in OKC and we went to a store that took us right by the entrance to my daughter’s old neighborhood, I could feel the tears well up in my eyes as I remembered that 10 months and then how much I miss her.  I guess I know how my mother felt for the 8 years I lived six hours away in New Mexico.

Technology has helped the distance between us.  We usually talk on the phone every day, some days multiple times a day.  Lots of text messages, many with pics of what the kids or grandpugs are up to.  There is facetime, because when Molly wants to call Mimi, she really means “see Mimi.”  I love it when I get a random call from Max when his mother doesn’t know he has called me.  Sometimes he will facetime me and he is walking all over the house talking to me, makes me a little nauseous.

Max and I have a special relationship.  When it is just the two of us, we have great conversations.  He can be so mature.  We talk about everything.  He also knows that I’m the grandma who doesn’t put up with much crap or antics.  He will test me, but 95% of the time, we are just fine.  I have learned with him that presentation of something is most of the battle.  If I’m drama free, he is usually drama free.  Then there’s little Miss Molly, the granddaughter I’ve been waiting for.  I don’t know her as well as Max and that’s hard.  I hope that she knows how much I love her and want so much to be around to get our toes done, pick out cute clothes and have long talks about nothing, just like I used to do with her mom.

And speaking of her mom, well where do I begin.  Words can’t really describe how I feel about her.  My heart aches for her, but I guess that’s normal when they grow up and move away.  We have always had a very special relationship.  For many years, she was really my only friend, the one person I knew I could count on.  That is probably not the role a little girl should play, but I knew I could get through the day just because of her. I was not alone in the world because I had her and for many years, she was all that mattered.  When I go visit her, we never seem to have enough time, but we make the best of it.  When she comes here. it’s never long enough.  It takes me days to recover after I have seen them because I never know when the next time will be.  Wow, this week’s blog is a bit of a downer, sorry.

So let me see if I can pull out of this mood I’m in  and move on.  I am excited, elated and can’t wait because:  THEY ARE COMING!

Happy Mother’s Day

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Purpose Flowers RaptureHappy Mother’s Day to all you mom’s out there. It’s our weekend, it’s our day. I’ll get a package from my daughter today or tomorrow. She is the one who NEVER forgets Mother’s Day and around 8:30 Sunday night, I’ll probably hear from my son. It’s amazing how different daughters and sons are. Both love you completely, but express it much differently. It has been my honor to be their mother. I usually feel I should be celebrating them on this day instead of the focus being on me. They are the two things in my life I would never change and I love them to the depths of my soul. Mushy huh. See, too emotional again.

From the time I was a very little girl, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Every Christmas I would ask Santa for a baby doll, and every year I got one. I loved being mommy to those little dolls in the hopes of some day being a “real” mom. God granted me my wish with Loni and Craig. It took God a while longer to grant my wish for the right husband, but he did get it right with my children.

I had a great role model in my own mother. She was always so patient, calm and loving. In many ways, I am very similar to her and in other ways, I am very different. I had different things to contend with as a young mother, which molded and shaped my very psyche. For a big chunk of my children’s young lives, I was a single mother. But I had the love and support of my mother through some very difficult times and my children were the sole reason I survived. They were my very reason for getting up every morning and the reason I worked so hard to make sure they had what they needed. I couldn’t wait to see them every day after work and go with them to all their school functions. I miss sitting in bleachers watching baseball game after baseball game, softball game after softball game. I miss watching them bowl in league. I miss our trips to Six Flags. I miss sitting through school plays, high school basketball games just to watch my daughter cheer. I miss shopping for that perfect little Easter dress. I miss Easter baskets, the tooth fairy, Santa Clause, skinned knees, kisses & hugs from little arms. I miss it all, well almost all. I don’t miss poopy diapers, vomiting, messy rooms, dirty laundry, temper tantrums, missed curfews (you know who you are), sibling fights, snotty noses and dirty feet.

My daughter now has a family of her own and I love watching her be a mom. She is a stay at home mom. Now there is good and bad in that. It’s great to be with your kids every day, to watch them grow and mold their little minds. It’s also difficult to be with your kids every day, never having time for yourself, only having conversations with small people who argue with you about everything. I am not sure I could have done that in my 20’s when I had small children. You know that old saying, what goes around comes around? I am just sitting back and watching as my daughter lives that with her two kiddos. It’s humorous and I love it.

My son will be 26 this year. No wife, no girlfriend, what’s going on? I kid him about it all the time. It’s probably good that he’s single right now, but a mother can dream of the perfect girl to come along and take him off my hands.   Hahahah. Hope he doesn’t read this. I’m kidding Craig. I think it may actually be difficult for me when that day comes. He will be the first to tell you that he is a momma’s boy. He has been very protective of me growing up and he’s always been there for me. He would go with me to the movies, out to dinner, shopping or just hang out at the house growing up. From the time he was 10 to about 16, I didn’t date and he didn’t want me to be lonely. How sweet is that? So whoever comes along and wants to own my son’s heart is going to have to be a very special young lady.

So as I think about my own mom this weekend and our relationship, I am also celebrating being a mom too. It is truly the best job in the world. Happy Mother’s Day.