Author Archives: Queen of My Kingdom

Unknown's avatar

About Queen of My Kingdom

After 65 years of life, I have experienced many things, some great, some not so great. I am a work in progress and I'm learning to not "sweat the small stuff". Life is too short so live, love, travel, and play pickleball.

I Love Dogs – Part 2

Posted on by
Reply

A few days ago I got a notice that a couple of people had read and “liked” a post I did from January 2015 titled, “I Love Dogs.”  After I got that notice, I went back and read the post.  OMG, talk about opening the water works and tears flowing.  Our little Cavaliers, Shawn and Maggie were just a little more than 3 at that time and I wrote in detail all about them and their little personalities.  We lost both dogs last year, Maggie in July and Shawn in November.  Cavaliers are prone to a genetic heart defect and that defect took both of my babies at just 8 and 9 years of age.  We have so missed them and reading that post opened up the wound again. 

We have been actively searching for a new fur baby, but not another Cavalier.  The heart defect is just too prominent in this breed and neither my husband nor I can do that again any time soon.  As I said in my last post, we had decided to change breeds to the Shih Tzu.  You know researching breeders is exhausting.  The other thing that is exhausting is we can find no puppies.  Most of the time, they just recently had puppies but they are all gone.  Most of them have a 6 month to 12 month waiting list.  Now I am a patient woman, but this has been a real test.  I’m just looking for a glimmer of hope here….

In carefully looking at breeders, I found one just about 75 miles from our home.  She had a dog who would have pups towards the end of January and be ready to go at 12 weeks, which would be in April.  OK, now we are getting somewhere.  These days you have to put your name on a list and then when puppies are born, the breeders go down that list.  We found the same thing with the Cavaliers.  I guess when you have the demand, you can do that.  So I put my name on the list.  She had a vet checkup date set for my birthday to see if the dog had conceived.  The appointment was on December 30 my birthday so that’s a good sign right?  Well a dagger got shot through our hearts.  Her dog had not conceived.  So our name on the list goes to the next set of dogs she has that she will breed.

The next batch of puppies from this breeder are due in late spring, not sure if that’s April, May … If we are lucky enough to be high enough on the list, we might have a baby in June or July…  My patience is waning and really, just makes me sad.  My husband suggested that we see if we can find another breeder in the meantime.  I really didn’t want to start over. 

I was coming home from work when I noticed my neighbor out in her front yard repotting a plant.  Her little dog was out in the yard with her and then I remembered, SHE HAS A SHIH TZU!  Maybe she would have a contact for me.  I walked over and we talked for a bit and she said she would check with a few people.  BAM, within an hour she had given me the names of 5 people to check with.  One of those had sold a puppy to her niece at Christmas.  This breeder had a private Facebook page.  I asked to join and was immediately accepted.  As soon as I got on the page she was showing two four week old females she had left in her current litter!  And there she was, this adorable little black and white baby.  I turned the phone to my husband to see her and he said, “When can we go get her? I love her already.” 

Well we can go get her in 3-4 weeks.  Can you believe it?  We are going to be parents again!

Goodbye 2020

Posted on by
Reply

Happy New Year!!!!  Let’s all take a big breath and be grateful that 2020 is gone…. but certainly not forgotten.  I’m not naive, I know that the problems we had in 2020 are not going to magically disappear, but I can begin the new year with the hope that 2021 will be much better.  We had a really wet and cold New Year’s Eve with thunder and flood warnings.  Then at 9:30 p.m. all the lights went out in our house.  We opened the front door and all was dark everywhere we looked.  Wasn’t that just a perfect end to 2020?  The power was only off a couple of minutes but maybe that was the universe giving us a reset.  Fingers crossed.

With all that went on from March through December, I had one personal realization and we suffered two tragedies. 

I had a light bulb moment about 3 months ago.  My priorities were changing.  An opportunity for a new chapter in my life; a new chapter where I spend more time with those I love doing the things I love.  In order to begin this new chapter, I must retire.  And so I shall on July 1, 2022!  Life is short and I don’t want to put off that next chapter any longer than I have to.  If I could retire today, I would.

My husband came into my life when I was 44 and we have been together 17 years now.  One of the wonderful things about our marriage is that we would rather spend time with one another than with anyone else.   When we went into lock-down mode and spent even more time together, it made me aware that I needed more of that. Thankfully, he feels the same way.  When he asked me what changed my mind about retirement it was an easy answer.  I want to spend more time with you.  Retiring will also give me an opportunity to see my daughter and her family more.  They live in Arkansas and COVID kept from seeing them for a whole year.  Do you know how much a 9 and 12-year-old can change in a year?

In the middle of everything else going on last year, we lost both of our beloved Cavalier King Charles Spaniels within four months of one another.  We are heartbroken.  This was the first holiday season Keith and I haven’t had a dog.  I have to tell you; it is a huge hole in our life.  Both dogs suffered the horrible heart disease that Cavaliers are prone to.  We lost Maggie in July and Shawn in November.  She was just a few weeks away from her 9th birthday and Shawn was 9.  Both deaths happened unexpectedly and we were not prepared.

When Maggie died I told my husband that at some point I might not want to have a dog in our life.  He was quick to respond by saying, that’s just your grief talking.  Of course he was right.  Shortly thereafter, we started trying to find a friend for Shawn, another Cavalier.  While we were actively trying to find another Cavalier puppy, I was taking Shawn to doggie day care for a half a day.  He absolutely loved it and we saw another fun side to him.  Then it happened again one Saturday night.  He went into congestive heart failure we lost him.  Again in my mind I told myself, no more dogs…..but of course that was my grief talking again.  Yes, we want another dog in our lives, we just need to grieve for a bit.  This time I had an additional emotion to add to my grief, anger.  I am not sure why, but I felt extreme anger over both of their deaths for weeks.  I still cry some days when I think about them and I still expect them to greet me at the back door.  It’s a process and we are working through it.

In moving forward, I was adamant about us not getting another Cavalier.  How was I going to get my husband on board with that?  Their personalities are what sold us on the breed to begin with.  A dog that would be happy just hanging out was what we wanted and what we got.  They were sweet, happy go lucky and great little travelers.  If I was going to talk him out of another Cavalier, I would need to find us another option and sell him on it.  After my research, I had come to a decision about our next dog breed and I called my daughter to talk about it.  When I told her I wasn’t sure I could sell my husband on it she had some sage advice.  “Mom, all he wants to do is make you happy.  Just talk to him.”  She was right of course.

I pulled up a picture of the Shih Tzu on my phone and went in to talk to him.  I tearfully said I couldn’t do another Cavalier and he agreed he couldn’t either.   “So what kind of dog would we get?” he asked.  I turned my phone to him to see the picture.  “What is that?” he asked.  A Shih Tzu, a Chinese lapdog who wants nothing more than to sit on our laps and hang out.  Then I said to him, “Guess what they most often die from.”  “What?” he asked.  OLD AGE, NOT HEART DISEASE.  So the search for our new baby has begun.

So as we begin 2021 with hope for a better year, I will remember 2020 for the things it gave us and for the hardships that came with it.

The Tiger King

Posted on by
Reply

While we are all at home during this COVID-19 period, a lot of us are watching our streaming services and some of their original programming.  I am no exception. However, I would have been watching Netflix’s The Tiger King even if I hadn’t been in this “shelter at home” situation. Why?  Because this madness occurred just 30 miles north of where I live and I have actually been to the GW Exotic Zoo twice! Now for the rest of the story.

The GW Exotic Zoo has been in business for many years.  I have seen the signs on Interstate 35 any time I travel further than 30 miles north.  I always wondered what was actually there, but never went. Over the years I learned from others in our community that it was supposed to be a place that took in wild animals that had been in circuses, surrendered by people who had them in their homes, or other bad situations.   Awe, now that was a wonderful thought for me and something I could definitely get behind. A place where these abused or neglected animals could be cared for and be safe for the rest of their lives. Well, that indeed is how it started, but certainly not the end of the story. If you haven’t watched I certainly don’t want to tell you all the gory details, but I would like to share a few of my thoughts and experiences of visiting the Zoo and watching the program.

My first trip to the Zoo was in the summer of 2011.  My grandson was 3 years old and he and his mom were coming for their annual summer visit and we were looking for things to do while they were here.   My daughter and I both have very tender hearts when it comes to animals and we decided to go see this animal rescue zoo. Quite frankly, it was a wonderful experience.  Now remember, we went thinking these were all rescued animals being cared for. The place was clean, the staff seemed very knowledgeable and you could really see the animals up close.  They even had another area at the back of the park that you had to pay extra for, but it was a guided tour by a staff member. They talked to you more about each animal, where they came from and the things they did to care for them.  

I think what surprised us the most was the fact that they had way more than just tigers.  There were lions, bears, monkeys, wolves, alligators, and ligers, just to name a few. There were also interesting looking chickens wandering the grounds which was fun to watch.  It was almost like being at a farm. The enclosures were of varying sizes and some were very spacious. We were told that they were able to feed all of these animals with the help of Walmart who provided them with meat & chicken that was about to expire.  I even thought, great job Walmart. As we walked through the Zoo at our own pace, periodically you would hear a lion roar. And let me tell you, that is quite a sound. The entire park seemed to rumble. At the end of our experience, you could pay to hold a baby tiger, which we did.  My naive self just assumed the baby tigers came from a rescued animal that just happened to be pregnant. When we returned home after our visit, we were very impressed and decided we would go back again someday. My husband and my son also wanted to go with the next time.

Copy of IMG_3943Fast forward to the summer of  2017. According to the show, Jeff Lowe was now the owner of the Zoo because of all the money problems Joe was having.  Two grandkids now coming with their mom for their annual summer visit. We decided it was time to go back to the GW Exotic Zoo with my husband and son joining in the fun.  While the kids enjoyed seeing the animals, it was a much different experience for me and my daughter this time. The place was not as clean and the smell of animal feces in July in southern Oklahoma was overwhelming.   Of course, the kids wanted to play with a baby tiger, so we again paid for them to do that. That was a bit different too. Last time it was outside in an enclosure with fresh air and a breeze. This time it was inside of a non-air conditioned small room full of flies.  We, of course, had a zoo staff member there with us but our “baby tiger” was too mature for that experience and way too “playful” if you know what I mean. Again, I didn’t question why they always had baby tigers…..

So I sit down to watch this program and think I know what I’m going to see, but I was not prepared for what I would see, what I would learn and how it would make me feel.  Let’s explore that:

First off, I knew the zoo owner Joe Exotic was an unusual guy.  I understand that on a completely different level now. I don’t believe I saw him on either trip to the facility.  My son saw him in the park in July 2017 and recalls he was running around getting ready to film something. I had heard he was gay but didn’t know he had two husbands until the second one accidentally killed himself 3 months after our last visit there.   I recall Joe running for President in 2016 and for our Governor in 2018. I just assumed it was just a publicity stunt. When you see him in the show riding in the nighttime Christmas parade while he was running for governor, that’s my town! That was the year I didn’t attend that parade.  Look what I missed. I also was unaware of the feud with Carole Baskin in Florida. I didn’t watch his internet show that was highlighted in the series nor did I even know he had a show. So when he was arrested in September of 2018 for trying to have her killed, I was stunned. I also didn’t realize they were suing each other and that he owed Carole a lot of money, that he did not have.    My emotions about Joe went from thinking he was entertaining to wreckless, desperate, dangerous and finally, just very sad. He is still an active topic for our state and local news agencies from jail.

Secondly, I never really noticed when visiting the park that his staff members were such misfits. I don’t recall the people working in the souvenir office to be unusual and I never noticed “unusual” souvenir items on the shelves as we saw in the show.  I guess I didn’t look very closely at all the items that were available for purchase. With small children in tow, we probably just looked at child-appropriate items. So when the show focused on several staff members who were close to Joe who had no teeth and appeared to have severe substance abuse issues, it was eye-opening.  Especially those walking through the park with guns on their hips. I think the show eluded to Joe’s second husband being under the influence of something when he accidentally kills himself, incidentally while the park is open with customers just 3 months after our last visit.

Thirdly, the animals.  I believe I cried at some point in EVERY episode about the animals. That was the real tragedy of the story for me. The show uncovers a lot of things I didn’t want to know about their care or lack thereof.    I love animals and it made me feel that my trip to see them at the zoo was helping to allow their abuse. I am sorry I ever went. On a positive note, one of our local news channels reported last night that 39 tigers and 3 black bears are living in an expansive habitat in a Colorado Sanctuary.  Well, that’s a start.  

In conclusion, Jeff Lowe, the current owner of the park is moving the zoo to a community 30 miles south of me near the Red River.  I will never visit his facility and I will encourage others to not visit his facility. Oh and now I have started watching Ozark Season 3 and I won’t be visiting the Lake of the Ozarks or Osage Beach.  YIKES.

E-Bike Adventures on the Katy Trail

Posted on by
Reply

Eighteen months ago my husband started planning our vacation for the first week of July 2018. He has been saying for several years, that he would like to go to Missouri and ride bikes on the Katy Trail.  Have you ever heard of the Katy Trail? Well, I hadn’t either so I needed more information. The Katy Trail is a biking/ walking trail that runs along the abandoned Katy Railway spanning 237 miles across the state of Missouri.  The trails are made of crushed limestone with much of the trail winding through shaded canopies and past cool limestone bluffs fronting the Missouri River. IMG_4969

I have a bicycle.  It is a Schwinn ten-speed and I think I have ridden it twice in 12 years.  The first time I rode it with my husband we rode out through our local park, which has hills.  I thought I was going to die and I wound up walking the bike up the hills. Apparently, I was not in very good shape.  Now I will give myself some credit, I am in much better shape now. I get more exercise, on purpose, and try to eat better.  I even walked a half marathon last March. 

So in thinking about this bike riding thing, my questions ranged from, is it hilly, how far are we supposed to ride a day, where are we sleeping at night, is this something that I can survive?  I don’t know why I was so worried. I am married to the man with all the answers and all the solutions. IMG_5039

So back to 18 months ago, my husband starts talking about doing this again.  We now have an RV so the plan was to take the RV and to stay at RV parks on the trail.  So the question about where we are sleeping?  Answered.  Now how about how far are we supposed to ride a day? The plan? We get up early and ride 20 miles out and back one day and the next morning head in the other direction for 20 miles out and back.  Then we move the RV down the road to the next stop and do it all over again. So that’s 40 miles on a bike a day for five days! Yikes!!!!! Is he secretly trying to kill me?

IMG_5020The solution?  Electric assist bikes.  What is that? Well, it’s a bike that has an electric motor that helps us pedal easier and allows us to go farther than we would be able to on a regular bike.  I was intrigued by this idea. While I was away in Arkansas visiting my daughter and her family, my husband spent the weekend researching E-Bikes and trying to find the perfect ones for us.  Just a few weeks later, Millie entered my life. There she was a bright yellow fat-tired bicycle that looked like the old mini bike I had when I was 12. How fun is that. 

So with all my questions answered and my fears quelled, we set out for our first adventure on our E-Bikes to conquer the Katy Trail in Missouri.   It was fantastic. The part we rode was along the Missouri River and wound through small communities and farmland. We spent two nights in Hermann, which is an adorable, scenic German community right on the Missouri River.  

I could have spent a week in this quaint little community.  Our favorite place to eat in Hermann was at the Vintage Restaurant atop a hill attached to the Stone Hill Winery.  The food was delicious. We ate German food for lunch and dinner for two days. Then we IMG_5014discovered the Hermanof Winery which is located in the charming downtown area.  Thankfully my husband had saddlebags on his bike so we could load up and transport the wine back to the RV.

The morning we were riding to Rocheport was the most scenic.  This is where we rode through the limestone bluffs. As we pulled into Rocheport we came upon the Meriwether Cafe and Bike Shop right on the Katy Trail.  We had worked up a sweat and an appetite by the time we got there. Talk about home cooking at it’s best but in a trendy looking little cafe. This was a darling little cafe and one I want to visit again.    

The most bizarre little area we stayed was right on the Missouri River in an RV Park in Cooper’s Landing.  For a moment, I felt we had taken a wrong turn into this quirky little place, just south of Columbia. The most unexpected thing we discovered down on the river in the middle of nowhere, The Thai Kitchen.  Yes, we had authentic Thai food in the middle of nowhere in Missouri and we liked it.

IMG_5032The trip was truly magical and I am so glad we did it.  I had no problem riding 40-45 miles each day. It was a great way to see parts of our country you would never see from an airplane or traveling down an interstate highway.  We rode through cornfields, through abandoned train tunnels, across steel train bridges, around limestone bluffs, and along the Missouri River.  Clean air and friendly people.  

After our adventure in Missouri, which is 8 hours from where we live, we needed to discover other E-Bike adventure opportunities.  We discovered the Oklahoma River trails in Oklahoma City (just 2 hours from home), the Arkansas River trails in Tulsa and next up, the Arkansas River Trails in Little Rock.  Let the adventure continue.

Sunday Morning

Posted on by
Reply

Purpose Flowers RaptureHappy Sunday!

The morning started out like all my Sunday mornings, coffee in hand and watching Today with Willie Geist.  This morning he had a story about a little boy about 10 years old who helped out on the family farm.  What a guy.  He is apparently a major Cubs fan and watches all their games.  The ones that come on after his bedtime?  He records them for later.  The video shows the dad presenting his son with “tickets” to an upcoming Cubs game at Wrigley Field.  The young cubs fan was in shock and disbelief and began to cry.  I dare any mother to watch that and not be moved.  The next thing I know, I’m crying too.  Then a couple of Cubs’ players hear about the story and one gives the little boy batting practice tickets ON THE FIELD with the players and another one insists that they seat in his private seats.  When Willie comes back on, Dylan Dreyer his cohost is wiping tears too and Willie says to her, “mom tears.”  I had no idea that had a name.  Mom tears!  I use them all the time.  Thanks for the lesson Willie and go Cubs.

I finish wiping away the last tears when my husband asked me a “fashion” question.  Do you look slimmer wearing a fabric with vertical stripes or horizontal stripes?  Well that is simple, vertical stripes. Nope he tells me.  He is reading an article in Popular Science that says horizontal stripes make you look thinner.  I don’t know.  When did Popular Science go to fashion school?  What do you think?   Horizontal or vertical.

At 8 a.m., I switch to CBS Sunday Morning.  Today was an episode about Sheryl Sandberg.  You know, the woman who runs Facebook.  I have admired her for years.  Did you know that her husband died a couple of years ago?  Died of a heart attack while exercising.  Where have I been?  She began to talk about it and how she and her family have coped.  Periodically her voice would crack and she was trying so hard not to cry.  Every time she tried to get through telling us something through tears, I found myself shedding tears yet again.   I’m thinking these were “wife tears” or a combination of mom & wife tears.  She has written a book on helping people get through grief and learning that you may have to go with “plan B.”

Got the tears stopped again and my husband informs me that he is about to stink up the house with the smell of bacon.   Great, one of my favorite foods, bacon.  Just the smell of it sends my system into overdrive.  Apparently he needs to crisp up a pound of bacon for a dish that will be made later in the week.  Why the warning?  Well, he knows I LOVE bacon and I could eat the entire pound.  But I am also trying to eat better and drop a few pounds.  A few minutes the house is blanketed with the wonderful aroma of bacon.  Oh my, I may need to go outside.  Never fear, my husband comes to my rescue; one piece of bacon and only 40 calories!  Thanks honey, I love you.

Now it’s time to get up and get ready for church.  Wonder what Father Mike is going to tell us today?  Since my senses seem to be wide open this morning, I’m sure I’ll learn something.  Hoping it doesn’t make me cry.  That seems to be a trend this morning.

Have a great week.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Been A While

Posted on by
1

sailingI haven’t posted a blog in over 6 months.  So, what is with that?  Let’s chalk it up to 2016 being a weird and difficult year.  I can ultimately say that I have just not felt very creative in a while.  It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, I think it may be quite the opposite.  I think I have too much packed in.  For instance, this year’s presidential election.  I could have really gone off on a tangent over the last couple of years.  However, I don’t like confrontation and when you start talking to people about religion and politics, there’s usually confrontation, especially if you don’t agree with each other.

What I did find fascinating was when people I am acquainted with talked to me so freely about why their candidate should be president.  They assumed I was thinking the same thing apparently.  I guess the look on my face wasn’t enough for them to understand we were standing on different planets at this point, so I just graciously continued to listen until I could get the heck out of Dodge. Then there are all these people that you are “friends” with on Facebook and they are going on and on.  Sorry guys, I couldn’t read your political posts…  Did you find during this time that people “assumed” you were on the same team here too?

Whatever side you were on, you must admit this was very painful to get through and we may not be done yet.  On the 20th Trump will be sworn in.  Sorry, but I am still having trouble saying those words.  No I didn’t vote him nor would I have ever voted for him.  There I said it out loud.  I am entitled to my opinion, just like everyone else.  I don’t really think we had any good options, which is terribly sad.  Both candidates were flawed and it was like voting for the lesser of two evils.

I am a lifelong Democrat, but I have voted for my share of Republicans over the years.  I really don’t vote by party lines.  I vote for the person I think would do the best job and represent my thoughts and ideals.   I remember when I voted in my first presidential election, little Democrat me voted for Ronald Regan.  I thought my dad’s head was going to explode.  He voted party lines.  My mom and I voted the same way, Ronald Regan.  I still remember talking to my parents after that first vote.  Mom had cancelled out dad’s vote by voting Republican.  My dad just knew I was voting with him.  It was quite the discussion when I told him I didn’t.

Over the years, there have been things about our presidents, those I have voted for and those I haven’t, that have been good and bad.  I remember when Bush 1 was in office.  I was working as a civil servant at Cannon Air Force Base in Clovis, New Mexico.  For me, being on a military base where the President of the United States picture hung in every office, including mine, made us all feel very patriotic.  He was our Commander in Chief.  He was on our team and we were on his.  I trusted that whatever he did with our military would be in the best interest of this country.  The day we had jets bomb Libya, I remember thinking, don’t mess with the USA people.  We are bad, tough and on top.  Today I’m not so sure.

So many things have changed since the 1980’s while I was a humble servant on that air force base that threaten us.  ISIS and this hacking mess are so scary.  At times, it feels to me like we are just spinning in our tracks and never gaining ground.  The bad guy continues to win.  I don’t like this feeling.  The bad guys aren’t supposed to win.  Another thing that is a bit scary to me is the decisiveness of our country over the past few years.  I remember when we had the Murrah Bombing in Oklahoma City in 1995 and a few years later the 9/11 bombing in New York.  While we were all shaken to our core, it felt like citizens of the U.S. were bonding together over our tragedies.  Helping one another.  NYC sent people to Oklahoma to help in 1995 and Oklahoma sent people to help in NYC after 9/11.  After all, we are all Americans, aren’t we?  We stand up for one another, we work hard to protect our country and to move our country forward.  Can we still say that?

As I remember back to some of my American History classes in high school and college, we were always known as the “melting pot.”  People from many countries came here looking for a better life.  We still have people coming here from many countries to have a better life, but now some of them are looked upon as evil.  I’m thinking some of our early settlers were evil.  Just asked a Native American or read those stories in your history books.  We brought African Americans to this country to be slaves.  While having slaves was accepted in many areas of the world, our nation finally stood up and said no.  We “freed” the slaves, but did we really. Have you ever read much about this country’s civil rights movement in the 60’s?  If not, just try sitting through a couple of movies about it.  It’s embarrassing, wrong and shameful what was done to a group of people just because of the color of their skin.   And FYI, it’s still happening in many places in this country.

We also have those that want to remove all Muslims because of their religion.  You know, those that think all Muslims are terrorists.  What if all the other races of people thought all white people were “white supremacists?”  I’m not thinking we would like this very much.  You can’t lump all people in one category.  Wasn’t this country founded on “freedom of religion” or did I miss that part of the Constitution where it said “freedom of religion’ except for the following religions.  I also recall in my Christian upbringing that we are tasked to “love our neighbors.”

Another hot button, Hispanics coming in from Mexico.  Yes, I would prefer people enter this country legally and yes, I feel we have a problem with illegal immigrants.  What I am concerned about is again lumping all Hispanics into one group and the building of a wall.  Really?  We need a wall?  Is there truly no other way to help with this issue?  Hey Canada, be careful or we may need a wall between us too.

And let me close this out by addressing our future president.

Dear Donald,

I am going to try and give you a chance at this president thing, even though I am highly skeptical.  I did not vote for you.  The first thing I would like to see you do is stop acting like a child and venting on Twitter every time someone says something you don’t like.  What a cry baby.  Do you have any restraint?   So what if someone says something you don’t like.  We can’t all agree, that is evident.  Lord knows not everyone agreed with Obama, Bush 1, Bush 2, Clinton, Regan, Kennedy ….. Grow up.  You are supposed to be our president in a few days.  You are not acting very presidential. 

When the going gets tough, and it will, I want to be able to support my president.  You have a lot of work to do before that happens.  I voted for Bush 1 but not Bush 2.  I supported him however when he had to make tough decisions.  Were they all the right decisions?  Maybe not, but he made those decisions based on the joint efforts of experts.  I fear that you aren’t going to listen to experts.  Since you have already said that you know more than the generals, I fear that you are treading on very dangerous ground.  The next four years is not a game, it is not your playground and it is not a  reality TV show.  You must work with people, even when you don’t want to.  You can’t run to Twitter and pout and stomp your feet like a child.  You need to stand up, be a man and do your job.  Oh, and maybe to get you into the spirit of being the president, you should go see an inspiring movie before you take office.  I recommend Hidden Figures.  It is very humbling and it made me cry.  Give it a try.

Ok, now that I have done the very thing I didn’t want to do, talk politics, I feel better.  I know I have friends, family and acquaintances out there who will completely disagree with this, and that’s OK.  We are all entitled to our opinions.  I heard yours loud and clear for over a year, so I can weigh in as well.  I will have readers of this blog that may be outraged.  I’m OK with that.  You feel how you need to feel and I will do the same.  Together, maybe we can all get through it.  No one hopes they have to eat crow about this more than me.  I will have no problem admitting I was wrong, I just hope I am.  When it all comes down to it, we are members of the same team, the United States of America.

The Journey to Normal

Posted on by
2

Chef Mickeys crop.jpgIn November of 2014, I had a tumor removed from my brain.  Hearing loss was my only symptom and the only reason it was detected when it was.  I have no idea how long I had been struggling with this hearing loss or when it even started.  I just know I put my finger in my good ear to scratch it in the summer of 2014 and noticed that the volume on the TV went way down.  It was a light bulb moment for sure.

I made the appointment with an ENT and had a hearing test, from there an MRI which showed that I had a 1.48 cm tumor sitting on my hearing and balance nerve.  I weighed my options and had my surgery in November of 2014 at MD Anderson in Houston, Texas.  Surgery went great, only took 5 ½ hours and 5 days later I got to go home!  All of the tumor was removed, there has been no facial paralysis, I still have “some” hearing in my left ear and I am not having any bouts with vertigo.  YEA!

Every day since November 20, 2014 I have been working to return my life to “normal.” Well I am fast approaching the 2 year anniversary of my surgery and returning to normal has turned into creating a new normal.  You expect things to be difficult during the first few months after surgery.  I mean, they did cut open my head and remove something.  Not a minor surgery by any means.

In my new normal, I understand and accept that roller coasters or rough rides of any kind are OFF LIMITS.  Oh and none of those that twirl and spin rides either.  I did ride on Splash Mountain in the Magic Kingdom and I even did the Star Wars simulator ride at Hollywood studios.  A time or two when I thought the simulation was a little extreme, I just closed my eyes.  Worked like a charm.

In my new normal, I have to be very careful with sneezing or coughing.  If either sneak up on me and I’m not prepared for a “controlled” sneeze or cough, I suffer the consequences afterwards.  The entire back of my head feels like it is going to explode.  It takes me 20 to 30 minutes to get things calmed down.  I have learned a lot of massage techniques for my head when the headaches come.

In my new normal, I also understand that my balance is different and I have to be very careful when going up and down stairs and I really don’t want to trip.  I have lost my balance a few times by tripping over something, usually my own feet.  Once I am knocked off balance, unless someone is there to catch me, I will fall.  A couple of weeks ago we went to Disney World with the family.  We were all standing on Main Street in the Magic Kingdom watching the fabulous fireworks at 10:15 p.m. when I decided to move over a little.  I tripped over the train track in the road and was headed down.  It felt like I was moving in slow motion and I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it.  However, my husband who never moves very far away from me, caught me and I did not fall.  My hero.

Dancing was another area I was worried about.  Keith and I love to ballroom dance and I love for him to spin me.  That did not come easy, let me tell you.  We have worked on it and I’m very proud to say that I can do the double spin again.  Of course Keith is right there to keep me moving in the right direction.

I have not gotten back into running yet.  In fact, my entire desire to walk, run or do any form of exercise has been non-existent.  Yoga is completely off the table because it still bothers me when I have to bend over.  Downward dog would be so bad right now.   I have to be careful just bending over to pick up the dog food bowls twice a day.

I have been working for almost a year now to get in control or eliminate the headaches I have been getting since the surgery.  I am pleased to say that it appears I am on a good path with the headaches right now and I am trying to add back walking every day.  My headache regime is meds from neurologist, head and neck message every other week, chiropractic treatment and best of all, acupuncture.  I truly feel that the acupuncture has been the catalyst to make everything work together.  The headaches are mostly manageable now, fewer and farther in between.  I am looking forward to the day when someone asks me about my headaches and I can say, what headaches.

There are still a couple of things I have not tried yet because I just don’t know what will happen.  Tennis is one of them.  Since jarring things or sudden movements make my head hurt, not sure what will happen if I hit a tennis ball with the racquet.  The other sport that I dearly love and have not tried yet is bowling.  I had just gotten a new ball and shoes right before my diagnosis.  Fear has kept me from trying that as well.  I will continue my journey to create my new normal, taking each day one step at a time.  Who knows what will happen next.

Behind the Red Doors

Posted on by
Reply

IMG_0222 [13805]Easter Sunday is fast approaching as we conclude yet another Lenten season.  I know when I enter those big red doors into the beautiful stone church, it will be filled with the wonderful smell of Easter lilies.  Music will be playing from the pipe organ.  I will pick up a program and work my way down the left isle to where I always sit on row 7.  I will bow to the altar, take my seat and quietly wait for the service to begin or I can kneel in silent prayer.  At 10 a.m. sharp, the bell outside will begin to toll.  At the conclusion of the 10th bell, the entire congregation will stand and begin singing the opening hymn.  As we are all signing, there will be a group of people headed down the center isle towards the altar.  Leading the way on that morning will be the thurifer with the wonderful smell of incense filling the air, followed by an acolyte carrying the cross, to which we will all bow as it passes by us followed by the choir, deacon and priest.  Behind those red doors is the place I call my church home.

Finding a church home for your spiritual heart and soul is easy for some and not so easy for others.  I am one of those that had a difficult time finding my place.  I have struggled in various religious denominations.  Never feeling comfortable or like I belonged in any of them.  What was wrong with me?  Why is it so hard?  At 38, I had come to the conclusion that church was just not for me, but I would continue my relationship with God privately.  I was a Christian without a church home.

Six years later I find myself at the very beginning of a relationship with a wonderful man.  He had a church home and it wasn’t long before he invited me to join him one Sunday.  When he told me which church he was a member of I was skeptical.  I had no experience in this church and no idea what to expect.  In the few short months we had been together, I knew that church was important to him, so I accepted.  I stepped out of my comfort zone and went with him.  I can remember vividly that first visit.  It was very confusing and hard to follow.  All of my previous church-attending experiences had me finding a seat, sitting down and rarely moving again until it was over.  Not here.  There was a lot of standing, kneeling, bowing and reading from a book called, The Book of Common Prayer.  Halfway through the service we lined up to head to the altar, where we kneeled and took bread and wine [Holy Communion].  This was the Episcopal Church and this little churchless girl was lost, but quickly found.  I was intrigued and I found myself asking lots of questions, why do you do this and what does it mean when you do that.  I continued to attend church with him every Sunday and after about six weeks, I was hooked, locked in, sold on it.  I knew I had found my church home behind those red doors.

I love the formality of the service itself, the beautiful vestments the clergy wears depending on the church season.  I love bowing to the cross as it makes its way to and from the altar.  There is just something so powerful in that for me.  The music has brought me to tears on more than one occasion.  I have no idea what that is about.  The entire service seems to touch my very soul.

Underneath all that formality is a doctrine that speaks to the deepest parts of my heart and soul.  I learned very quickly that the church accepts and welcomes a wide range of theological ideas and thoughts.  It accepts and welcomes all people.  They do not discriminate against anyone or any group for any reason.  We strive to love our neighbors as ourselves and respect the dignity of every person.  I have not always found that in previous churches and I have always wondered why.  Jesus’ entire message for us was to love one another.  No easy task, but that is what we are all called to do.

IMG_0224 [13801]That wonderful man that brought me into this church, well I married him.  Not only did he make me whole, but he put me on the path to finding that place where I could put all the pieces together in my spiritual journey.  For those of you out there that have found the place where your heart and soul meet, hallelujah and amen.  If you are still searching for just that right place, don’t give up.   You may just have to step out of your comfort zone and give something a try.  You might even find yourself curious about what goes on behind those red doors.

Peace be with you.

Love Your Neighbor

Posted on by
Reply

ND candles croppedWhere do I begin?  I’m not sure.  First off, I usually steer away from things on this blog that could be controversial.  Things like politics and religion are usually taboo for me here.  But today I just felt the need to put these words out there.  Like it, hate it, I feel better for sharing it.  This past week I have been made aware that I know very little about the civil rights movement in this country.  How could that be you ask?

I grew up in an average size town in southern Oklahoma.  The only child of two loving parents.  My mother worked outside of the home when I started school in 1966 and my dad was the manager of our local bowling alley.  I spent a lot of time in that bowling alley.  It was a great place to grow up.  My dad put a bowling ball in my hand when I was about 4, which would have been 1964.  Apparently there were serious issues of civil rights going on across the country.

Not only was I unaware of this injustice, I never saw the injustice.  I did not see any water fountains that said “white” or “colored”.  I cannot recall ever going to a restaurant and seeing a “colored” seating area and a “white” seating area.  I had never ridden on a bus so I was unaware that an entire group of people were made to sit in the back of buses.  My parents didn’t discuss race relations in my home and I never saw anything on television.  When I would go to the bowling alley with my dad, all people were the same.  There were white people, American Indians, and blacks all bowling together in league.  If you wanted a snack, you could go into the restaurant, sit where you wanted and order a burger and coke.

In 1977 during my sophomore year of high school, I can remember when we got to the chapters on slavery in my American History class.  That was the same year the mini-series Roots came out and our American History teacher encouraged us to watch.  I can remember crying at various times and just feeling ashamed that people could be treated so cruelly just because of the color of their skin.

A couple of months ago, my son and I were having a very serious conversation about things going on in 2015 around the world and in our country.  It seemed a little odd for my 27 year old son to have such an insight.  We had a very thought-provoking evening.  The conversation got around to the young black men who have been killed by police officers.  As a mother of a young white man, I thought how different it would be if I was a black mother with a 27 year old black son.  Would I be fearful every time he left the house?  Would I have to tell him how he should act if he gets pulled over by a policeman?  I just can’t imagine.  Then my son reminded me that our African American friends and neighbors have only had their freedom for 50 years.  Oh my gosh, he’s right.

Realizing that I just don’t know enough about what transpired during the Civil Rights Movement, I decided I needed to know more.  My husband and son went with me to attend the screening of a documentary film telling the story about a group of Oklahoma City kids who conducted sit-ins at restaurants in downtown Oklahoma City for six years.  It never got violent, never really made the national news, but these kids turned around every restaurant except one before the 1964 Civil Right Act was made into law.  There was actual footage of these kids, along with interviews of many of them, who of course are all grown up now.  Listening to their experiences was powerful and again, I just could not believe what I saw.  The film also discussed some of the other sit-ins taking place around the country, all started from that group of kids in Oklahoma City.

Today I plopped down in front of the TV and I was scrolling through Netflix when I came across Lee Daniel’s, The Butler.  I didn’t see this one in the theater and since I’m a big Oprah fan, I wanted to watch it.  I was not prepared for what the movie actually was.  Here I thought it was going to be about a butler in the White House, and it was, but it also walked us through this family’s experience with the Civil Rights movement and beyond.  Many of the things outlined in this film, were a part of the documentary I had seen just days ago.  By the time I had journeyed with this family from 1960 until President Obama was elected, I cried off and on for over two hours.  My eye makeup was all gone and I was exhausted.  But I think I have a little better insight into the struggles of our African American friends and neighbors.  I also know fully, that the things I have seen cannot compare with what actually happened to the people who lived it or died for it.  My heart hurts just thinking about it.

Throughout my life I have had bosses that are of color, co-workers of color, classmates of color, family of color and very dear friends of color.  When I think about them, I can’t help but wonder what those times were like for them.  They never speak of it.  For these people I love and cherish, it is unbearable to think they may have been treated as those depicted in The Butler and in the documentary.  I hope with every fiber of my being, that had I been old enough to witness the travesty, that I would have been brave enough to make a difference. To take my fellow American’s hand and say to those hateful people, ENOUGH.

I guess where I am trying to go with this is to say that as a Christian, I really only have one charge in this life, to love my neighbor.   Do I do that every day? Nope.  Do I try every day?  You bet.  Do I succeed every day? Nope.   Are there days that are harder than others?  Yep.  But when I struggle with loving my neighbor, it is not because their skin color is different than mine or they belong to a religious denomination different than mine.  It usually has to do with their actions or their words.  So I continue to work on it every day.  That is my task as a follower of Jesus.

I am a proud member of the Episcopal Church.  I love my church for many reasons; its beautiful liturgy, its traditions, its generosity around the world and its inclusivity for all people.    Our new Presiding Bishop, Michael Curry was recently quoted as saying, “Our commitment to be an inclusive church is not based on a social theory or capitulation to the ways of the culture, but on our belief that the outstretched arms of Jesus on the cross are a sign of the very love of God reaching out to us all.  Did you catch those last three words?  TO US ALL.  In the words of the Apostle Paul:  There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male or female, for all are one in Christ.

So I ask you.  What does it really mean for you to love your neighbor?

One Year Post-Op

Posted on by
3

DSC_0875

Thursday marked my one year anniversary of my acoustic neuroma brain tumor removal.  I have found myself thinking a lot about that experience this past week and what I was going through this time a year ago.  I would love to be able to say that I am good as new or that I’m back to doing everything I could do before the surgery, but I’m not.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am very blessed that the tumor was discovered and that I had it removed.  Nothing good was going to come of it, obviously.  But short of having some ringing in my years and some hearing loss in my left ear, I felt fine and had no idea anything was wrong.  It was actually a fluke that it was discovered as quickly as it was. So here I am a year later still working on recovering.  I remember telling myself last Thanksgiving that this time next year, it would be like it never happened.  Well that was wishful thinking. Maybe Thanksgiving 2016 it will be like it never happened.  A girl has got to have hope, right?

So what has this past year looked like for me?  Those first couple of months it was just trying to focus on walking.  It took a while for me to look left and right without getting a bit dizzy.  It was like I was drunk without drinking. Things were kind of woozy.    My surgery was on my left side, so I have only been able to sleep on my right side.  That is still the case 99.9% of the time.  If I lay on my left side for very long, the anger sharks start swimming.  In February I got the green light to do some light running.  I wanted to get back to running like I was before surgery, and I’m still working on it.  I think walking with minimal slow running is a better option for me at the moment.  Since my balance is questionable at times, I am very careful not to trip or stumble.  I have learned the hard way that with only one balance nerve left, it doesn’t take much to tip me over.  I have fallen twice in the last year and let me tell you, it was not good.

I cannot sneeze or cough without the back of my head becoming very angry.  Would love to know when that is going to stop.  I live in Oklahoma where there are things in the air and sometimes I need to sneeze.  I went to great lengths last allergy season NOT to sneeze.  And if I swallow wrong and need to cough, yikes.

Bending over is still an issue and as long as it is, yoga is a no go.  Downward facing dog might send me over the edge.  My head gets angry when I bend over to pick up the dog food bowls.  I have decided that I probably won’t ever ride a roller coaster again.  I think my head would literally blow off or I might just pass out.  But hey, I can still go dancing with my husband and I can still twirl as long as he is standing there to make sure I stop twirling when I’m supposed to.  Any sport which might cause me to fall, which would include water skiing or snow skiing is off limits.  Heck I didn’t do that before my surgery, so I certainly don’t want to do it now.  I was worried that this head issue would cause me problems if I traveled on a plane.  Good news, we went to London and Paris in September and I not only did fine on the Boeing 777, but also on the Eurostar high speed train.

So as I reflect, my main issue is headaches.  I am to the point that I plan my activities around them.   Where am I going to be when the next one pops up and how will I get rid of it?  I always carry Extra Strength Tylenol or Advil with me.  I am fortunate that over the counter pain meds will take care of it; but, I’m taking them every day.  So in August I bit the bullet and went to a neurologist for help.  So far I’ve tried two different types of migraine meds (and I don’t think I have migraines).  Neither did anything and one of them made my night time headaches worse.  I have also gone to physical therapy, which was nice while the therapist manipulated my neck, but with no lasting benefits.  I’ve had one occipital nerve block injection, lasted a few hours.  I have had two trigger point injections in the muscles of my neck, lasted a couple of hours.  I am getting an upper body massages every week and I do think that it is making my neck more flexible.  Next up, I’m contemplating acupuncture.

In August when I first went to the neurologist, they took my blood pressure and they commented that it was a bit high.  Like 160/110 high.  I have never had high blood pressure, it’s usually below 120/80.  Each subsequent time I went in they would take my blood pressure and again, it was high.  Hmmmm.  Well a week before I went to my latest appointment, I started taking my own blood pressure at home and keeping track. OMG, it is off the charts.  One morning it was 177/117 when I woke up!

Now I have headaches AND high blood pressure.  I don’t know if the blood pressure is causing my headaches or if my head pain is causing my high blood pressure.  And the doctor doesn’t know either.  So now we are trying to get my blood pressure under control and we’ll just see how the headaches respond.  Ever see that commercial where the woman has to go the bathroom every few minutes and she has that little cartoon bladder tugging on her?  Well I have one of those and it’s a little cartoon headache with high blood pressure that is following me everywhere. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I’m officially kicking off my second year of surgery recovery.  My goal, to rid myself of headaches and high blood pressure. To be able to sleep all night, awake refreshed and ready for my day with the energy and stamina to get with an exercise program and to stick with it.  Those are tall orders, but I am so ready.