Day One

My eyes popped open about 5:30 a.m.  I threw on some clothes and worked my way down to the kitchen to find the coffee pot.  To my surprise, it was already brewed and ready.  I poured a cup and went out onto the back patio and turned on the big outdoor fireplace.  The sun was not yet up and the birds were not even awake yet.  I found a blanket and I wrapped up in it and sat close to the fire.  As I sat there drinking my coffee and looking at the fire, it reminded me of all the mornings I had done that at my house with our dogs Daisy & Ellie sitting by me.  It was there many mornings that I could clear my head and plan my day. I definitely needed that today.

Mark could see the fireplace was on and he opened the door to find me sitting outside drinking coffee.

“Good morning.  Did you sleep well?

“Yes, thanks.”

“You’re drinking coffee now?”

“What?”

“Coffee, you’re drinking coffee.  I’ve never seen you drink coffee.  You always said that it tastes like licking an ashtray. And last night, you drank iced tea instead of beer.”

“Go figure.  Just one more unexpected thing.”

“Well enjoy.  I’ve got an early meeting and I’ll be gone most of the day.  Will you be OK?”

“Yes.  Do you have a vehicle I could use to drive into town?  I’d like to look around and see if I remember anything.”

“Sure.  The Beamer is in the garage.  Keys are in it.”

“Got it.”

“I’ll call you later to check on you.  Maria will be in later to clean and I think she is making your favorite dinner tonight.”

“Maria?”

“Oh right.  Yes, Maria.  She has worked for us here for two years.  She keeps this house clean and cooks for us most nights.”

“So what is my favorite dinner?”

“Prime Rib.”

“Yum.  Can’t wait.”

Mark turned to leave, and I remarked to myself, “I hate prime rib.” 

I went in and poured myself another cup of coffee and turned on the TV to the local news.  I wanted to see if everything was normal.  Yes, it was the same news anchors on KXII and KTEN.  Well that is comforting.  Same stupid commercials too.  I also found that oddly comforting.  Ok, so let’s get this day started.  Up the stairs I went to take a shower and get on the road.  First stop?  MY HOUSE on Dornick Drive.

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An hour later I was stepping into the garage.  Yes, there was indeed a BMW.  Now let’s see if I can figure out how to start it.  The keys were in the storage box in the car and could stay there since this was one of those push button start vehicles.  I decided I needed to look at the wallet in that purse Mark gave me to see what exactly was in it.  There’s a driver’s license with my picture on it, but it has my name as Marcy Thompson.  There are several credit cards and $235 in cash.  That’s interesting, I rarely carry cash.  Well in case I get pulled over, at least I have a fake driver’s license. 

When I pull out of the property I somewhat recognized the area.  I worked my way back over to I-35 to take the fastest route to my house on the north side of town.  I got off on exit 33 and headed east back into town.  As I top the hill, I know I will see the stadium of my high school and the new $28 million performing arts center which was just completed right before my accident.  Keith and I were all set to attend the first function there slated for Christmas.  I worked on that bond issue for months.  Let me tell you, that is a lot of work.  That in fact was the last bond issue that I helped with before I retired from Ardmore City Schools.  I know, Mark told me I have never worked, but remember Mark isn’t my husband and he doesn’t know anything about me.

So, I top the hill and there’s the stadium but there is no performing arts center.  How can that be?  How could it just vanish?  So now I’m officially on another level of scared.  I turn left on Chickasaw to head to my house.  My housing addition is there, and I turn to go into it.  I see that old crappy shed of an office of the guy that started my housing addition and turn right.  My house is three houses down on the left at the next street.   I slammed on the brakes and just froze.  There’s a house there, but it’s not my house!  I turn left and all the other houses that are supposed to be there are.  But the house on my lot, is not my house.

A wave of nausea goes through me as I try and wrap my mind around everything.  Some man I don’t know says I’m his wife.  Keith’s phone number is not Keith’s phone number.  Craig’s phone number is not Craig’s number.  My house is not here and there is no performing arts center.  Maybe I need to just go down to First National Bank and find someone who can tell me where Keith is. Then I remembered, it’s a federal holiday all the banks are closed.  I’ll drive over to my old office.  They certainly know me there.  My office is just on the other side of the high school so I don’t have far to drive. 

I get out of the car and go in through the south entry doors.  The girl in the lobby reception area asked if she could help me.  I have no idea who she is.  She is not the person that replaced Kathleen when she retired and not the person that was there just a few weeks ago when I stopped by to visit.  I start through the office door and she stops me.

“Can I help you?”

“I’m here to see Terrie.  Who are you?

“I’m Tammy.”

“Hi Tammy.  I’m Marcy.  I used to work in this office.  When did you start working here?”

“I’ve been here ten years.”

I can’t even begin to rationalize this.  I just need to find Jill or Terrie.  I repeat again, “I would like to see Terrie.”

“Let me go see if she is in her office.”

I am not liking the direction this is going.  I am supposed to be finding the truth and my life.  So far I am striking out.  I just know Terrie will be able to help me make sense of this.

Terrie comes out to the lobby and asks, “Can I help you?”

“Boy am I glad to see you.  Did you know I had been in an accident?”

“No I didn’t.  Have we met?

“You are too funny.  I normally find your sense of humor refreshing, but I don’t think I can handle it today.  I have some weird stuff going on and I need your help.  Can we go sit in your office and talk?”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know you.”

“Are you serious?  You don’t know me?”

“No, I don’t know you.”

I just began to back up when I bumped into the lobby door.  I opened the door and went back to the car.  I sat there not knowing what to do next.  Nothing was right.  Maybe I really have lost my mind.  How could I be remembering a life that I could find no proof of?  How could being Loni and Craig’s mom not be real?  How could my life with Keith not be real?  What will I do if I find out that all of my memories are not real?  I don’t want a life without those people in it.  At this point I drove myself back out to that house and had to figure out what my next step was.  My head was hurting and I was exhausted.

---

When I arrived back at the house, I parked the car back in the garage.  Maria was there and she was so excited to see me.  Wish I could remember her.  Wish I could remember anything that I could verify.  Had my mind made up this entire life that didn’t exist?  How could that be possible?

“Mrs. Thompson, I am so glad you are home.  I have been so worried.  It was a terrible accident.”

“Thanks Maria.  Please just call me Marcy.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.  Did Mark tell you that I don’t remember anything?”

“Yes, he did.  I hope that my prime rib will snap your memory back.”

“About that.  Do you think you could prepare me something else?  Like salmon.”

“You don’t want the prime rib?  It’s your favorite.”

“That’s the thing Maria.  I don’t remember liking prime rib.  In fact, my recollection is that I detest prime rib and I won’t eat it.”

“Oh my.  Your mind really is scrambled.  Salmon it is.  I have a great recipe!”

“Thanks Maria.  I really appreciate it.  I think I’m going up to my room and take a nap or just have some quiet time.”

“Yes ma’am.  I’ll be here if you need anything.”

At 5:30 there was a gentle knock on the door that woke me from a sound sleep.  My eyes opened and I wasn’t sure if I had heard something or not.  You know when you are in a deep sleep sometimes and you wake up confused.  Then there was the gentle knock again and this time it was Mark’s voice.

“Hon, dinner is ready.”

“Ok, thanks.  I’ll be right down.”

I’ve got to tell him to not call me “hon.” Only Keith can call me that.  Then I remembered my day and that I found no proof of the life I have been living in my head.  I pulled myself together and went down to dinner.

Maria was indeed a fantastic cook and her salmon was maybe the best I have ever had.  Mark had the disgusting prime rib.

“So you’re eating salmon now and drinking coffee?

“You know, I think you are going to find that the person you thought you knew, is very different.”

“How so?”

“If my memory of our life does not come back and who I am now is all you have; you may not like me anymore.”

“Well that’s just not possible.  Why would you say such a thing?”

“Because I don’t know who that woman is you were telling me about last night.  Remember when I asked you about our life together?  Everything you told me is the opposite of who I am.”

“Elaborate on that.”

“Let’s start with how we met.  I would never have attended a frat party and would never have been considered the life of any party.  I would never sky dive out of a perfectly good airplane, I would never go hunting and kill anything. I love animals, especially dogs.  I would never have been satisfied with just sitting at home.  I would have wanted a career. AND, I would have wanted children.  Being a mother was always something I wanted.”

Mark sat quietly for a moment just taking it all in.  “Well I have to admit, your recollection of who you are and mine are very different.  In fact, it’s pretty much the polar opposite.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

“So I know you got out today.  Did you find anything to help you remember our life here?”

“No.”

“Will you consider seeing a counselor to help you with this?”

“Give me until next week and then I’ll agree to go.”

“OK, but I’m going to go ahead and make the appointment for next Monday.  Agreed?”

“Agreed.”