If there is one thing I have learned in my 50+ years of life is that life is full of ups and downs, blessings and curses, highs and lows, good and bad. It is truly a mixed bag. Some people seem to have more bad than good and some people never seem to have anything difficult happen to them. I think my life falls somewhere in the middle. There have been many times in my life that I have just floated along like a butterfly unaware of anything bad, nothing ever touching me. Then there have been times when I have been down in the muck and thought I would never get out. Those have all been learning experiences for me. They have made me who I am today and the highs and lows and blessings and challenges will continue to shape me, but they will not destroy me.  They serve to make me stronger.

Ten months after I married the man of my dreams, he is diagnosed with cancer. Together with God and MD Anderson, we kicked cancer’s but and just three short weeks ago MD Anderson officially graduated him and told us we didn’t have to come back. What an awesome feeling and an answered prayer for sure. For five years we continued to make that trek to Houston for his checkups. We jumped for joy and were giddy all the way home. Keith said to me, “We never have to come back here.” My response? “I know, unless I get sick.” Famous last words.

Last week I learned that I have an acoustic neuroma. A “what” you say? Basically it is a “benign” tumor in my brain that will have to be dealt with. It is not cancerous, it grows very slowly but it has to go. My first symptom, like millions of us out there, was Tinnitus. My left ear has been ringing for 9 months if not more. I have lost track because I spend all my time trying to ignore it. Then right as we are moving into the new house, I noticed that I am not hearing as well out of my left ear. It was like I was wearing an earplug. Things were kind of muffled. So off to the doctor I go, have an MRI and there it is, the unwelcome visitor in my brain. All 1.46 centimeters of it. Well crap. My local doctor sends me to a specialist in OKC who tells me what I have and what my options are. As he is describing the three possible surgical options of going into my brain, I could literally feel all the color drain from my face. He gave me the good, bad and ugly of a surgery. Then he gave me a little information about the “gamma knife” radiation option, which initially sounded great, but by the time he finished, wasn’t a perfect option either. At the end of his speech he asked if I had any questions. I can’t even speak at this point. Then just over my left shoulder comes a very strong voice, my hero husband who has LOTS of questions. Keith jumps right in and is asking questions right and left, some I am grasping and some I’m not. Then Keith asked the question, “what if we do nothing?” I perked up a bit for that one. Doctor said, “Eventually, she will die.” So much for doing nothing.   The doctor wanted to make sure that I understood that it was not a death sentence, it was fixable and it WAS NOT cancer. That did make me feel better. Obviously we have some research to do and some decisions to make.

In the car heading away I know I have to call my daughter who is waiting 350 miles away to hear what this doctor said. We talk about it, I tell her what the doctor said and that we didn’t have to do anything immediately. We would be exploring all options. She agreed, more research and exploring all options. Keith, trying to cheer me up and take my mind off it, takes me to test drive new cars. Great distraction!

We arrived home and I am trying to be brave. On the inside I need a good cry. On the outside, the tears aren’t coming. I admit it, I am scared. I have another conversation with my daughter who has spoken with her husband, Charles. My daughter is convinced that if I need surgery, we just need to pack up, come to Little Rock and have it done there. Not a bad idea.   We go to bed for the evening and I’m doing a little reading when my daughter calls again right at 10 p.m. Her message to me when I answer the phone, “Charles wants to talk to you.” Charles works in the medical field and with Neurosurgeons. I guess he has been kind of sharing my “issues” with them casually as I go through these tests. They have given him opinions and what not. So when Loni called him about what the doctor said about my “surgery” options, he called to make sure that I DID NOT let this ENT surgeon drill into my head.

The next morning I have my instructions from Charles: get another copy of my MRI disk and overnight it to him. He will ask his neurosurgeon to look at it and give us an unbiased opinion. We really liked that idea. So off to the hospital I go to get another copy of the disk. By the way, the little gal in medical records is not very friendly. She literally made me feel like I was imposing on her. Next off to the UPS Store to overnight it to Little Rock. By the way, the people at my UPS store, VERY friendly and VERY helpful.

So now it is Sunday morning and I am still thinking about my options. It’s hard to think about little else. My in-laws and brother in law were in from Texas and they did provide some distraction from my little tumor friend, but it was never very far from my mind. Then Keith and I wondered if MD Anderson would look at it. I’m thinking no since it’s not cancer. Then Keith replies, “Not cancer, but it is a brain tumor.” Good point. I went to their website and typed into the search: acoustic neuroma. OMG, they have an acoustic neuroma center and it’s part of the Head and Neck Center where Keith got treatment. About 30 minutes later Charles calls me. His neurosurgeon has looked at my disk. His response was if it were his wife, he would go the gamma-knife route. Then he said, “She needs to go to MD Anderson in Houston, Texas.” Feeling a bit like a God thing here. In fact, Dr. Thomas knows one of the head docs in the Acoustic Neuroma Center and he got the ball rolling to get me an appointment! Charles continued to follow up and by Wednesday, I had an official appointment for next week. Now I guess I can classify Charles as my hero son-in-law.

Yes, we are headed back to Houston, to the same place we never thought we would see again. To the place we know like the back of our hand. To the place that I entrusted the life of my husband and the place that did not disappoint. I am anxious to see what they suggest and how we will proceed.

I’ll keep you posted on the progress. Stay tuned.