I have been to my local Wal-Mart too many times in the last two weeks. We are in the back end of moving and I keep needing things, so it’s off to Wal-Mart. First off let me say, if you are in a hurry, don’t go to Wal-Mart. So here’s my experience when I’m in a hurry.

1. Park a mile away from the entrance because it appears to be pay day and everyone in my county is shopping today.
2. Grab a buggy, which of course has wheels that don’t all turn the right direction, it shakes like it has a vibrator attached and it is making a terrible noise.

Got my buggy, off I go. I have my list and know where I need to go in the store. Straight in front of me 10 yards out is roadblock #1. A group of people have taken the opportunity to get caught up an do a little visiting. It doesn’t really matter that people are stacked up all around them. So the 5 or 6 of us that need to get through have to find an alternate route. That’s always fun.

Back on the main isle heading for the isle I need. There it is just a few feet away, I’m turning onto the isle and there’s roadblock #2. This isle has 6 shopping carts already on it, but only 4 owners of carts. The other 2 carts, just blocking traffic don’t you know. Well I need things on this isle, so I turn in and wade through the muck with everyone else and work my way around the abandoned carts.

If you listen while you are shopping, count how many babies or toddlers you hear crying. As a mother, I’m real good at telling which crying children are pissed, which are tired, which are hungry, which are hurt, which are just brats. Can you? When you finally reach the crying child, sometimes they are blessed with parents who have no business being parents. As you go by them you can see the little looks in their eyes and the big tears they are trying to not let fall and a parent yelling at them for God knows what. Some of them are visibly frightened and it kills me that I can’t help them. I just want to grab those people and give them a good shake, among other things. What are they thinking, they are molding their little minds forever. Moving on……

Have you ever noticed that the isles are not quite wide enough? When I visit my daughter in Little Rock, her Wal-Mart seems to have wider isles than mine. It just seems roomier. Is it a conspiracy?  Is it because her Wal-Mart is in Arkansas, the “home” of Wal-Mart?   They also have a guy who greets you with a “BAM” at their Wal-Mart. Frightened me the first time I visited, but now I look for him and so do my grandkids. His name is Mr. Willie and he is an attraction all on his own.

I am always amazed at the different ways people dress. I am trying to say this diplomatically but not sure I can. Bottom line, if you weigh way more than you should, whether you can help it or not, you should not wear clothing that highlights the “extra” things you have, especially when those things are hanging over your pants, riding up your crotch or falling out of your blouse. Some things should be left to the imagination, PLEASE.

I have also noticed that we have a whole generation of people who like tattoos. Your business, do whatever you want with your skin, but really, if your entire body is covered in these “works of art”, wonder what they will look like when they are my age or better yet, in their 80’s or 90’s? Be a different kind of tattoo for sure. Two different images for the price of one I guess.

I also just love it when I am waiting in line to check out with young ladies standing behind me who have piercings all over their face: nose (OMG, the snot factor alone here), cheeks, eyebrows, TONGUE (really?) It freaks me out. I am imagining what my mother would have said to me if I had said to her that I wanted to get my TONGUE pierced or get a cute little diamond stud in my nose. Or hey, let’s get those big discs in my ear lobes… Yea, let’s do that…

Then there is the awesome checkout line, waiting and waiting. Lately I have taken a different approach to this. I can’t imagine standing on my feet all day ringing people up, sacking their items and then doing it again and again and again for hours. As much as I hate waiting in line, I feel for those employees who have to deal with all of us people in line, all day, every day. I try to be a little kinder to them when I finally reach the register. They are after all, just trying to do their jobs.

So bottom line for me, go to Wal-Mart when I have to, take a deep breath when I walk in the door, and just do it. Life is an adventure and a trip to Wal-Mart is no different.  Sometimes, it’s entertainment on a Saturday night.