It’s been two weeks since I have written anything. It’s not that I didn’t try; I just could not make the thoughts in my head make sense on paper.   I’m calling it a creative hiatus. But this morning as I was taking my long power walk through Regional Park, I could feel some of the fog lifting in my head and felt a little creativity creeping back in. For me, writing is therapy. Blogging has been the perfect outlet for this. Sometimes what I write even get’s read and that’s fun too.   The way this works for me is that thoughts just pop in my mind. This usually happens when I’m doing something, after I have done something or seen someone else do something. The little tape recorder in my head begins to record it and I feel this need to write it down. Once I write it down I feel better and can move on. See, therapy.   Many times it allows me to see something in a different light or it gives me a better clarity over a situation.   Sometimes it’s just something that has struck me as funny or interesting.

So why has my creativity been on hiatus? Several things have gone on around me the last few weeks that have really affected my state of mind. First off, I have this thing going on at work. Of course it is a “personnel” matter so I cannot give any details. But let me just tell you this, I wish I could. Anyway, this situation has many in my community in an uproar and it has caused me some real heartache. Common sense and logic have just been thrown out the window. I love my community and I want what is best for it always. This situation is a no win situation any way it goes.   Only time will tell what the damage from this truly will be.

Secondly, a little over a week ago a dear friend of mine’s son committed suicide. He was 23, my son is 25.   As a mother, the empathy here is HUGE! You put yourself in their shoes and it’s just more than you can bear. As my son and I left the funeral last Saturday and I was weeping almost uncontrollably, my son put his arms around me and I just looked into his eyes and said, “Promise me.” He knew what I meant and said, “I promise, mom”. The death of a child in any situation is a tragedy, but for me, I would think that having your child commit suicide would be on a completely different level of pain. My heart breaks for what my friend and her family are going through. I pray every day that God will be with her and her family to help them get through this. I kept sitting down at the computer last weekend trying to write something, but I could not stop crying. I finally just gave up and knew that my mind couldn’t do it.

Yesterday was my 6 year wedding anniversary and we went to our Two Left Feet dance. It was the scheduled spring event and it just happened to be on our anniversary. We got to have a party with a band and food and only had to pay for ourselves. Pretty sweet huh? It was fun remembering that six years ago at 8:30 p.m., at the place we were dancing last night, we were also dancing at our wedding reception. Sometime during the evening Keith looked and me and said, “Ok, what are you thinking. What’s going on in your head”? I hadn’t realized it but I had let my mind drift back off into the fog it’s been in for weeks. Here I was dancing with my amazing husband, celebrating our anniversary and I had let the actions of others seep into my happy space.  Not OK.

So this morning I put on my walking shoes and headed for the park. I needed to gain a little clarity and get out of my funk. After 4.2 miles this what I have committed to doing.

1.  I will continue to pray for my friend.
2. For that other issue at work, I will just continue to do what I know is right. I can’t control the actions of others.
3. Accept that logic and common sense don’t always apply in every situation.

Have a wonderful Easter, I plan to.